Lot 48: i graduated

June 14, 2018

i graduated

its been almost a week since i graduated from my UCLA professional program, writing for television.

i know its a super blurry picture, but i was walking fast and bleh whatever its fine.  look how happy i look! i don't think i have ever been more proud of myself.  

this program was hard.  sometimes it was brutal.  and it was really, really fast.  usually when you create a show it should take you at least 4 months to really dive into the characters and map everything out and write the script. 

we did it in 10 weeks.  

i was always under the gun, there was always something new that i had to write each week.  something was always due.  it was so stressful.  i've never struggled with so much self doubt in my life.  that little voice in your head that tells you you're a fraud, you have no talent, you're not funny.  there was also a lot of staring at walls, thinking.  i would be just sitting there, staring at nothing, and taran would say something to me and i'd always say "taran! i'm writing! i almost  had ___figured out!" on orientation day of my program, one of the professors jokingly said that staring at the wall and thinking counts as writing and to get those around you to understand that.  and by the end taran sure did! 

this was my lecture class professor, neil landau.  he has written several books on tv and the way its changed in the last few years and is a BRILLIANT writer.  he taught me so much that made me such a better writer.  i was so glad he hugged me when he gave me my diploma.  i love him and i wasn't sure he would remember me but when we hugged he said "congratulations, you did great work." and that made that little voice in my head that whispers shouts doubt to shut up.  

the best part of the ceremony was the guest speaker.  it was WHITNEY FREAKING CUMMINGS.  when they introduced her i freaked out i was so excited.  taran and my dad had no idea who she was.  

her speech was perfect.  it was all about failure and rejection and that you will get rejected and you will fail but that is all okay and part of your growth as a writer/actor/producer/director/human.  she talked about all her failures and that even when you think you're succeeding you're not (referring to executive producing the revamp of rosanne.  😬) whitney said that we only know her greatest hits, what we see on tv and what we see on her resume.  we don't see all the times she failed and so she shared all those experiences with us and it was like "hey! everybody fails! its going to be okay!" it was exactly what we all needed to hear.

i could not have done this program without taran. he was my sounding board and whenever i was stuck, he would get me unstuck.  as a left brain person and an engineer, he thinks he isn't creative but this year has shown me how talented he is at everything.  

so i gave him a diploma too! because he earned it darnit!  all those nights i was at school and he was alone, missing me.  all those times i couldn't do something fun with him because i had to write.  he sacrificed so much.  

and my dad came out for my graduation!  that meant the WORLD to me.  my dad is a hard guy to impress, and as i showed him the campus and as he listened to the speakers, he kept saying "i'm very impressed."  and that also meant the world to me.  

^^last walk on campus^^

this program completely changed my life.  before the program, i had no idea what i was doing as a writer.  i felt like i was shooting in the dark.  i needed guidance, i needed a teacher to walk me through story, character, the industry standards for what a script should look like grammatically.  its like i was a fetus writer and now i'm like, a toddler.  maybe 2 years old. haha. i can't believe how much i learned and how much i grew. 

and these people! we were all in the same class the entire year.  we spent 8 months together writing with each other, critiquing each other's work, supporting each other, and growing as writers.  they made me a better writer.  they made me think in ways i hadn't before and ways that are necessary as a writer.  they opened my eyes, they taught me when they didn't even realize they were.  two of my people are missing in this picture, but man i love these peeps. they are stuck with me for LIFE. 

i did it.  i freaking did it.  before we moved to LA, i already knew i wanted to do this program and when the time came to apply, i almost didn't.  but i knew i would regret it if i didn't apply and obviously so glad i did! i'm still so surprised i got in, but i don't think its that hard to get in.  doing this program was the third best decision i've ever made, after marrying taran and moving back to LA.  

thank you to all those who supported me this year and those who cheered me on and told me i inspired them and told me they were impressed and proud i was following my crazy dreams.  often i feel self conscious that when people learn that i moved to LA to be a screenwriter that they will automatically think "so you moved to LA to be unemployed.  good luck with that" and think i'm just another one who moved here and is living in my car.  for people to tell me they are impressed i'm following my dreams means so much.  it makes me feel less self conscious.  

dream big, loves.  dream so big it terrifies you.  go after your dreams.  attack them, work at them, and when you think "why me?  who would choose me?" think instead "why NOT me?" it takes guts and tough  skin to follow dreams.  

but holy moly i am so glad i am.

1 comment:

Hearing from you makes my day!!

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