Lot 48: my non instagramable life

January 16, 2018

my non instagramable life

from the outside, it looks like my life is very perfect. i live in my favorite city in the world, i'm pursuing my dream of being a tv writer, i'm married to the love of my life, my husband has a good job,  i get to go to movie premieres and other cool events, i work for a company that the entire world loves and knows of.  its all pretty sweet!  and i am so, so blessed!  i really can't believe that this is my  beautiful life.  verbal gold blog recently published this amazing post about how instagram is a highlight reel of our lives.  we don't show the crying, the heartache, the days we don't shower until the afternoon, the zits.  we show the best parts, the fun stuff, and we edit all of it.

that time i went to bright premiere and shook hands with will smith?? yeah, i was in the middle of 3 months of unemployment.  it was not a good time.  i was not doing well.  its very hard on me to be unemployed.  not just financially, but emotionally.  i like to be busy and have a place to go where i am counted on and i get fulfillment out of.  i need that in my life.  

when i instagrammed all those times i went to universal? like twice a week that one week?  that was because i was unemployed and had nothing else to do.  it was super fun but didn't make me feel good about my life or myself.  i just kept thinking "all of these people around me have jobs, and i'm just here because i have nowhere else to be."   

when i instagrammed Christmas?  i was terribly missing my parents and was sobbing on Christmas Eve because i wasn't with them.  its hard to be with the in laws on holidays.  they don't do the same traditions as i'm used to, they don't bake cookies or have a big Christmas Eve dinner.   i was super depressed that night.  i was so jealous of everyone else's posts that showed they were with their own families.  i wanted to be with my family! 

there is so much behind the gram.  we all know it but we don't really think about it.  we get envious and #fomo and end up unfollowing people because we are too envious of their lives and its making us feel bad about our lives.  but that person, that blogger who gets paid to travel all around the world, she had problems too, of course she does!  maybe she wants another baby and she is having trouble getting pregnant.  maybe she's having trouble in her marriage.  i don't know!  i only know what you know! but we get so caught up in the perfectly edited highlights of someone's life that we forget that it isn't perfect.  

nobody's life is perfect. mine is not!  i assure you.  i mean, are you kidding me?  i live in hollywood.  and i'm trying to be a screenwriter. in a sea, nay, an ocean of screenwriters. and i have yet to be hired as a screenwriter. seriously.  my life is far from perfect! im a baby, amateur writer who just started her training and often feels like she is drowning in her inadequacy and the pressure to become better and become better quickly! 

we all know this.  none of what i'm saying is news to you.  i'm just reminding you.  because we need to be reminded.  a shock of reality.  what you see on instagram isn't real.  #iwokeuplikethis no they didn't.  nobody wakes up like that.  

the next time you are feeling envious of someone on the internet remember that it isn't real and that their life is just as messy as yours.  and that you're beautiful, your life is beautiful, and you are just as rich or richer in spirit as the person you're envious of.  we don't know each other's problems. we are all just trying to figure life out as we go along.  


Hearing from you makes my day!!