Lot 48: its time to talk about it

December 4, 2017

its time to talk about it

this is my childhood home.  i lived here from ages 6 - 18 and the summer i turned 20.  my parents have owned it for 20 years.  20. years.   and they have sold it.  

this truly breaks my heart.  i have 20 years of memories in that house.  i moved into that house when i was 6.  i ate countless meals at the kitchen table.  my mom taught me how to cook in that kitchen.  i played dress up with my friends in elementary school in that room up stairs.  i did my homework at that counter in the kitchen so i could talk to my mom as she made dinner.  i played with my dog in that backyard.

i really can't imagine a world where we don't own this house and this isn't my house and i don't go home to st. george, ut to this house and spend time with my family in this house.  it breaks my heart.

but my parents have been trying to sell this house for a long time so they can move on with their lives and it is way too big for two people.  i'm happy for them, i really am and i'm proud of myself that i can be happy for them although it tears me in two.

i can't count how many times we have come together as a family as we have expanded with all the grandkids and brothers-in-law/sons-in-law and watched the little cousins play together and slide down the hill in the backyard on an inflatable waterslide in the backyard and jump on the tramp and run naked through the house squealing with delight.  i think for my sisters that is going to be the hardest part of letting the house go.  i think for them the house stopped being "their house" when they had kids and got houses of their own.  i've never had a house of my own and we don't have kids so this is still very much my house.

this thanksgiving was our last family vacation together all as a family in it.  the very last time.  it was so sad.  i was okay until friday night when i just lost it.  i was sobbing so hard.  my parents who had just spent 3 weeks traveling through the holy land were trying to share their pictures of their trip and i just couldn't stop crying and had to go to my room.

 my parents will still have a house in st george but it won't be in the same place of st george and it won't be able to fit all 21 of us (!! and counting! we are not done procreating!) and then my parents are going to build their own house somewhere, i don't know where exactly.  i really have no idea about that.

all my sisters have their own houses so my parents let us all take what we wanted, like tables and chairs and dishes, etc.  it was like a silent auction without paying for anything.  my dad rented my sisters a uhaul and they packed it full of stuff they wanted from the house and took it.  i'm glad i wasn't there to see that, i wouldn't have been able to handle that.  we left on saturday to beat traffic because we have to drive through vegas to get to LA from my hometown and we didn't want to get stuck in a holiday gridlock.  we only took some dishes and this beautiful chinese umbrella holder.

its really such a sad time but a very long time coming.  my parents don't have to be out for two months  after thanksgiving but i don't know if i will be back after that.  i don't think i will, i think it will be too painful.

its really such a sad time but a very long time coming.  my parents don't have to be out for two months.  i couldn't sleep the last night i was there and walked around in the middle of the night, sitting in my favorite rooms and sobbing like a baby.  this chapter has completely broken my heart.  but it is time.  its very much time.  its a house with 9 rooms and just my parents live in it.  none of my sisters or i have lived there in 8 years.  its beyond time.

that weekend has to be the last weekend i am there.  i can't go back. that would kill me.  we will be driving from la to salt lake city for christmas and need to stop in st george for the night to break up the drive but i will not stay in that house.  i already said goodbye and i can't go back.

right before we left i toasted to my house with taran and said a proper goodbye.  that's it.  the end.   the first few days since i got home from thanksgiving i have been grieving, but i feel peace now.

i look forward to where my parents choose to live next and the house they build next.  i am excited for the next chapter.

pictures of my beautiful house i grew up in.

this is the entry way. you can see the balcony and chandelier. 

the entry way you see the dining room where we only eat thanksgiving and Christmas dinners.

this is the living room, still in the entry way, if you look to the right.  we only sit in there for special occasions.  i played that piano so many times growing up.  our beautiful grand piano. 
you will notice the many many pieces of artwork on the walls.  my parents are art collectors and i often referred to my house as an art museum.  we had a family picture taken once in the living room and i showed it to my friend and she asked why we took our family picture in an art museum.  ha ha.

aerial view of the living room.

this is the playroom.  i have so many memories playing dress up with my friends when i was little.  now its a playroom for my niecephews.  they spend so much time in here with their toys and they now dress up in the clothes their mothers dressed up in as kids.  circle of life. 

this is an original minerva teichert.  she was a very famous utah painter. 

this is a side shot as you an see she painted it on wood.  she often didn't have money for a canvas and painted on wood often.

this is my 'hood.

we decided to take a picture with the "original doxey 6." doxey is my maiden name.  we had to take a picture with just the  6 of us.  none of our kids or husbands, just us.  the originals.  i'm so glad we took these, i'll cherish these forever. 

this is my favorite because this is the angle where you see the house as you drive up to it.

goodbye house of mine, goodbye. and yes, i cried when i wrote this post. so funny, we didn't even mean to match when we took this picture, we just did! home is wherever my family is.  this house was good to us.  it will always be ours.  you hear that, family who bought it?! IT WILL ALWAYS BE OURS! 

have you ever had to leave your childhood home?  how did you deal?

1 comment:

  1. I understand how you feel, even though my parents don't own their own home they have lived in the same house since May 1980 and none of us can picture them living anywhere else we all know the time will come when they will have to move as the house isn't in great shape any more but when it does it will be a sad day


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