Lot 48: none of this is okay

November 13, 2017

none of this is okay

i have been unemployed since september 22.  that is when i left the amazing job at dc comics because my temp contract ended.  it was a very sad time and i wish it didn't end.  i loved my tine at dc comics as i got to be creative and i was challenged and i worked with amazing people.  there were some aspects of the job i didn't like, sure, but the pros greatly outweighed the cons.

i am with 5 temp agencies and within those temp agencies, i have 8 recruiters working, helping me putting me out for jobs.  additionally, i have applied to roughly 150 jobs.  in the past two months, i have had a total of one week of work at a wonderful job that i really enjoyed that was a Christian radio station as a receptionist.  i thought it was going to be a permanent gig until they told me given fcc regulations, they had to try several people out for the position on two week basis and won't be hiring a full time receptionist until january.  my recruiter was really confused and i was really confused.  this happened a few days after my car was totaled.  i was confused because my recruiter was told they really loved me there and i was told that was well, but i guess that was how they do things there?  its been a week since that happened.

before that job, i did a film where the producer gave me a stipend for the work i did for her social media platform to gain followers so she could sell the movie at AFI.  my experience working for free on the actual film, not doing social media, is an entirely different blog post, but i gave a month of my life to that film and turned down paying jobs to do the film because i needed the film production experience.

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i'm a worker.  if i didn't have to work, i still would.  that's how i'm wired.  every day i don't work my self worth dwindles away little by little.  even if we can handle my unemployment for however much longer, my soul can't.

additionally, i'm majorly struggling with my script.  in all tv scripts, even in drama not just comedy, there are two storylines, an A and a B storyline.  the A storyline is the main one and B supports the script and gives another storyline.  i am struggling so hard with my B storyline.  i chose a difficult storyline because i wanted to challenge myself and oh my oh my i did.

i have written the B storyline 3 times and have to wipe it and start over from scratch because it just wasn't working.  i am so frustrated with it i want to scream.  i feel like i am never going to get the story right.  i feel like i am stuck in the mud and i'm trying to walk forward but i can't no matter how hard i try to move my feet.  i love my professor and his feedback is gold and i love my peers in class and their feedback as well.  without their feedback my script wouldn't have moved forward at all.  i get an idea but then it gets really hard to implement it.

we have spent the entirety of the quarter learning really solid things about plot and characater and my writing program is truly amazing and now it is time to write the actual script and i am absolutely terrfied.  pages are due in small sections with the full script due in 16 days.  16 days and i my B story isn't fully flushed out yet.  i'm in full freak out mode.  every second of every day.

everyone is posting pictures of their Christmas-ed outed living rooms and homes and it breaks my heart that mine isn't decorated.  we got out our little tree that i've had since i was in my early teens that i've carried around for over a decade and when we moved into this apartment we didn't have a place to put/it forgot about it so it was outside on the patio and completely ruined.  so we threw it away.  and with me not bringing in any income we can't buy decorations right now.  so its just makes my unemployment sting even more.

so.. you know.  i've been better.  none of the above things are okay right now.  the way i process things going on in my life is by writing them out.  i am a writer through and through after all.

thanks for letting me write it out.

xoxo.

3 comments:

  1. I am married to a worker, he loves to work and mostly loves his job but as he ages he finds he loves his time off work just as much. My Christmas tree will go up the first of December and from my birthday which is on Thursday I will start wearing my Christmas Tee Shirts. I also get that none of the things you wrote about are ok, I hope things improve and you find work

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  2. My heart goes out to you! You WILL get the script done! Dive deep and think back to all your past ideas and something will pop out and be amazing. Good luck!

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