Lot 48: hello, old friend.

August 1, 2017

hello, old friend.


i'm coming to you as i pull myself out of a hole i buried myself in consisting of exquisite tv, writing education and fear.  


as taran and i were driving to the orange county fair last weekend and were stuck on the freeway for two and a half hours, i looked at all the cars and wondered how many of them came here with a similar dream as mine.  


essentially, this city is filled with narcissists.  we come here from all over the world because we think we know more about film, tv, makeup, costume design, production design, directing, photography, than the people here.  or maybe we just know that we will die if we don't try to be one of those things.  i'm not saying we aren't here to learn, because we are.  we are so hungry to learn just imagine thousands of us holding up signs "will work for experience" if that was financially possible.  i don't know whose brilliant idea it was to make breaking into the business so impossible and based entirely on who you know, but i want to kick them in the groin.  breaking into this business often feels like stripping naked in front of a stranger and asking for a favor again and again and again.  


i'm in this enormous fish bowl where i am just a tiny little guppy fish and trying to survive among all these other fish fighting for the same food.  we're all hungry.  starving, really. starving for our chance to prove our worth, our talent, our contribution to this multi-billion dollar entertainment industry.  people from back home repeatedly ask me "how's LA?" i think i just told you.  its like that part in gilmore girls where rory is at the pulp fiction party in season five and logan asks how school is and she says "school's hard" in a tone that says "it's yale, logan. what other response were you expecting."  


so how's LA?  its hard.  its a big fish bowl.  its ivy league.  big leagues.  any other metaphors you want to use, insert here.  its frustrating.  tear out your hair frustrating.  when i'm not at work, i spend all my brain power on writing and reading scripts and thinking about what is a good idea for a show, what should i write for my pilot, what's funny, and 'oh no this idea is good but it feels like a drama, i don't want to write a drama,' 'i need to read this book about writing,'  'i need to do a lesson today of the shonda rhimes masterclass,' 'i need to contact my writing partner in my group for that class and talk to her about our spec,' 'i need to watch this show, ' 'i need to figure out a way to meet this person,' 'i need to go to this networking event.'  i feel like i have two full time jobs.  


its a very strange sensation to be working this hard and to be this frustrated with something that you love so much.  and to be so slap happy to be here in the place you love the most with the person you love the most trying to do the thing you love the most.  i wouldn't want to be doing anything else.  


thanks for letting me rant. 


awkward ending.  need to work on my act out.



2 comments:

  1. L A always seems like a weird kinda place to me, it is a place I will never visit I reckon although I kinda would like to one day just don't think it will happen

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nothing worthwhile ever came easy.

    ReplyDelete

Hearing from you makes my day!!