Lot 48: on divorce

November 3, 2016

on divorce

linking up with alyssa again for the non-challenge blogging challenge.  this prompt of "a blog topic that i have yet to hit publish on."  i have had this in my drafts for a while just because i haven't finished it.  so thanks for the push alyssa!

firstly, i know a lot of you read the title of this post and thought that i was announcing i was getting divorced.  a reasonable and totally understandable assumption.  but that assumption is false.  i'm not getting divorced anytime soon and if i have my way, ever.

now that we have gotten that out of the way....




i don't know about you, but i have seen a lot of divorce lately.  several of my friends/acquiantances have gotten divorced recently.  it seems like every week i find out about a new breakup.  

i try really hard to be a non judgemental person.  i try hard to have an open mind about all walks of life that are in this world.  but when i hear of a divorce, i judge.

and i hate that about myself.

there was a blogger who got married 2 months before me and got divorced after 3 months of marriage.  the night i read about the breakup, i literally couldn't sleep.  i stayed up until 3 am feeling so upset and anxious and sad.  i was angry at myself that an event of a person i didn't even know had effected me this way.  i was angry at myself for judging her for being married for only 3 months.  her husband was very vocal about what happened between them and had his own blog where he wrote the details of what happened between them, but then deleted it a day later.  knowing what the husband said, i judged the wife even more.  how could she leave him so soon?  why didn't she stay and make it work?  3 months isn't trying!  on and on and on.

who am i to judge her?  i don't know her situation.  but i do that marriage is hard work, and that you have to fight everyday to keep it together.  but i also know that a marriage isn't able to be saved if both people aren't willing to give everything they have into the partnership and do their very, very best to try to make it work.

with celebrity divorces, i really can't imagine.   i don't know what it is like to be in the spotlight, be apart for weeks at a time, etc.  i love this post by emelia talking about how when we hear about a celebrity couple who is divorcing, we barely even blink.  i don't blink.  i was disappointed when the powerful branglina split up, and was surprised when i heard brad was being investigated for child abuse, but took it with a grain of salt because there are so many rumors its nearly impossible to know what is true.  brangelina are the only people who know what happened in the marriage.  and its sad that they have to share this terrible time with the world.  

divorce just makes me really, really sad. its just really sad when a family breaks up.  or any break up is sad. but i love what louis ck said about divorce:

"Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. That would be sad. If two people were married and ... they just had a great thing and then they got divorced, that would be really sad. But that has happened zero times."
i really think that's true.  but it hurts while its happening.  i know the louis is right, but divorce still makes me sad.  because then that means that somebody had a bad marriage, and no one should have to go through that.  his quote makes me think of barney and robin's divorce on how i met your mother.  don't they literally say "this was a good 3 year marriage that ended."  but that's tv.

i really don't know if i have a point.  divorce makes me sad.  i hate that i judge those who are divorced.  there are so many girls my age (and guys) who are divorced.  and i'm 26!! i guess i have no point which is why i was maybe not going to even publish because what am i even saying, i'm just blabbering.

i may have found a point: i'm trying to be less judgemental.  divorce makes me sad.  seeing people get divorced make me think of my life without taran and that makes me unable to breathe and i get really upset, so thinking about divorce makes me upset. seeing people get divorced makes me incredibly grateful that i am so in love with my husband and i'm so happy with him.

the end.

this post was weird.  apologies.

ps did you miss my guest post on how to write a killer blog post? 

alyssagoesbang

3 comments:

  1. Interesting thoughts! On the one hand, this summer my cousin and his wife got divorced after 3 years of marriage. Before that, they dated for 10 years. His wife was so much a part of our family, and I miss her so much. That divorce makes me so sad. But as a child of divorced parents, I can say that my parents splitting up was the best thing that happened for us kids, and ultimately for my parents too. Yet, if you were to hear my dad tell the story of the divorce, you would think it was a terrible tragedy. People say cruel, unkind, untrue things in the face of divorce, so I wouldn't be inclined to assume I know anything about what happened to a marriage unless I was a part of it. I agree with that Louis CK but--no good marriage ends in divorce. It might be sad when a person realizes their spouse isn't willing to work hard enough, but I think if divorce comes onto the table, it's always for the best, no matter how sad it looks from the outside.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have to totally agree with Alyssa's comment--like, almost to the letter! My brother and his wife are divorcing after three years of marriage and they dated for many years before that, and I'm very sad. I know they're both sad too. Neither of them 'hates' the other or anything, they're pretty amicable, but neither of them were happy and they couldn't fix it. But my parents divorced (when I was a baby, so I don't remember it too well--it was hardest on my oldest brother) and I'm so glad I grew up with my stepdad, who I called dad. My father was horrible to my mom and he's just not a very good person deep down. And yet, for all of my childhood my mom never talked badly about my father to any of us, she had him over for dinner many times...she was the bigger person.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Divorce is not something I know about I have been married to Tim for 32 years and my parents have been married for 56 years this month although two of my sisters are divorced. Marriage does take a lot of work, also not smothering your spouse in their sleep........lol

    At times it seems that some people give up to easy and just can't be bothered to put in the hard word it takes to be married.

    ReplyDelete

Hearing from you makes my day!!