Lot 48: things that surprised me about marriage

September 1, 2016

things that surprised me about marriage



it isn't a big deal to share the bed. as i am sure most of you have, i shared a bed with my sisters on family vacations.  and it was the worst.  they claim that i was the worst because i grew up dancing and slept in near splits.  so i would be kicking them the entire night trying to get into a split position.  my sisters would take turns sharing a bed with me because i was so annoying.  so then i started to freeze and not even breathe when i shared a bed.  i didn't want to wake up my sister and i thought the slightest movement would wake them up (as it sometimes did.)  i really have no idea how any of us got any sleep on family trips.  so when i got married, i thought it would be a huge adjustment to share a bed. i thought it would be just like sharing with my sisters.  but it turns out, it was so easy getting used to it! for one thing, taran is the deepest sleeper.  i can be moving things around, opening gushers, coughing, watching tv, and he still doesn't wake up.  it i need to wake him up, it takes a few tries before i even can.  it is difficult to not be able to spread out in bed like i like, not to sleep in the splits anymore.  but those nights when i'm really antsy, i kick taran out of bed.  for that or because he is snoring too loudly.  another weird thing about tarans sleeping habits is that he hates couches and prefers to sleep on the floor.  he can have trouble falling asleep in bed, but the second he gets a pillow and blanket for the floor, he conks out.  its weird but am thankful for the room to spread out in bed.

there will be arguments about how much we have hung out with the other person's families.  its difficult to balance how much you hang out with each person's family.  my parents live far but my sister (used to be sisters) lived close so we would see them a lot.  his sister and parents are 15 minutes away but don't have big get togethers like we do.  i only wanted to hang out with my family, not that i don't love my in-laws.  its hard to not hurt someones feelings when you want to hang out with your own family instead of your in-laws.  if i had to say one word about making a marriage work, its compromise.  i made more of an effort to hang out with his family and get closer to them and i know he appreciates it.  he, being the saint he is, never complains about how much we hang out with my family.

money is a bigger issue than i realized.  taran and i came from drastic financial backgrounds.  we were both extreme in how we handled money, but on the opposite ends of the spectrum.  it has taken us 2 1/2 years of marriage to get to a nice place where we are on the same ground regarding money.  i've tried so hard to reign in my spending and come to meet taran in the middle.  and he has worked to be relaxed about it and not stress about it too much. we are in a nice place financially now and it feels so good.  it feels really, really good.

i really thought the honeymoon phase would be over by now.  but i am still head over heels obsessed with him.  i can't be apart from him for more than 12 hours.  i'm not kidding.  its rather pathetic.  when i started my new job the day we got back from our honeymoon and was told they were sending me to a week long conference in florida, i almost lost it.  i knew i couldn't do it so we paid to fly him out for half the week.  it was disneyworld! he just slept in a hammock and went to the parks while i worked and we met up at night.  this is so cheesy, but really, i didn't think it was possible to love anyone this much.  words can't describe how in love with him i am.

things that haven't surprised me.

we aren't the typical gender dynamic.  taran cooks, goes to the grocery store and does the dishes, i do laundry and clean the rest of the house.  i feel guilty that he cooks so much and goes grocery shopping 99% of the time but i hate it.  i hate it so much.  i hate errands, i don't like to cook, its all just the worst.  taran claims he doesn't mind it but i think he is just being the perfect husband.  i have gotten better at doing dishes, especially the last few months.  i can't stand to have dirty dishes for more than a day, so if he can't get to them, i break down and do them.  i literally can't think about anything else if they have been sitting there for more than a day until they are clean.  but i do like to bake! so i make cookies every once in a while.  taran likes to cook too and will turn to me on a sunday night and say "do you want cake?" or "do you want brownies? i'm making some."  yes, he is in fact the perfect human.

we are both not the neatest people.  but our breaking point comes at the exact same time.  his clothes on the floor don't bother me.  the dirty shower doesn't bother me.  but we both get to a point where i find him scrubbing the stove when i was just about to do that!  i think a dirty sink bothers me more than him, though.

i'd rather hang out with him than with friends.  when friends ask me to do things (which isn't that often because i am really not popular.  tear.) i think "ummmmm.... i don't know.  if i'm not at work i want to be with taran.  actually when i am at work i miss him terribly.  and this fun night out with my friends would take my time with him away. so......... maybe?" i've gotten better about it; sacfricing my time with taran to be with friends.  because i want more friends!  and i love that taran is the same way.  he would just rather hang out with me, too.

what has or hasn't surprised you about being married?

once again, i credit juliette for the idea for this blog post because she is really good at coming up with post ideas when i text her wondering what to write about.

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