Lot 48: what if?

March 10, 2016

what if?

i really loved this post by sarah about nearly missing out on the love of her life by a silly thing like him not being tall enough.  and it made me think. 

what if i hadn't taken that class with my friend where i met taran? what if he hadn't decided to walk into that class? what if he hadn't sat next to me and what if i hadn't started talking to him?  

i know in our love story i mention that we dated a bit when we first met, then fizzled out and didn't speak for 8 months and then started dating seriously a year after we met. 

the truth is, when we first met, i was in a very bad place.  i was not in a place to date.  i was lost, extremely depressed and was barely keeping my head above water.  i was in no way ready to begin a serious relationship.  taran was in a bad place too.  he was frustrated he still had so much school ahead of him when he had already been in school for so long and he came across as a negative guy to me.  i remember so clearly we went to a party with my friend and we were sitting a firepit roasting marshmallows and someone asked him what he did and he said sourly "i'm a professional student. i'll never graduate." and i remember feeling how that rubbed me completely the wrong way because he seemed like such a negative guy.  which is so odd now because taran is not a negative person at all.  he never ever complains.  we both just weren't in good places.

i believe that some people marry have soulmates and some people don't.  that is just how they are built and if they don't believe in soulmates, then they don't marry a soulmate.  but i know that taran is my soulmate.  i know that God set him aside for me.  for those 8 months, there was a lot of growing, a lot of finding what was lost, and a journey back to happiness. 

at the end of those 8 months, i decided i wanted to start dating again.  to start to have joy, to experience life again, to break out of my scared little shell.  i felt impressed that the guy i should ask out was taran.  his name just came popping into my head again and again. 

when i finally called him, our schedules weren't matching up and taran told me later "oh, just forget about it, this is too much trouble." we finally made a date and on our date, i talked about my nieces and nephews too much and then asked him "tell me everything about yours.  what are they like, what are their traits and characteristics, what do they do. what makes them, them."  taran thought that was really weird and he says he remembers thinking "she's weird. i don't think i am going to call her again."  but for some reason, he still wanted to despite my obsession with my babies who i call my own who really aren't.  just like sarah overlooked CB's height in the post i listed above, taran overlooked my what he thought {;)} weird obsession with my niecephews.  

what if.

what if.

there are so many things that have to line up to get your perfect match matched with you.  at the right time, at the right place.  it's really astounding when you think about it.  stars have to align.  of course, being the very religious person i am, i don't think it's stars, i think it's God.  it's God who sent me the greatest gift i have ever recieved.  taran.  that human who is my other half, and i feel incomplete without him. 

i am eternally grateful all those what ifs aligned.  and that we took those months apart to grow and get ready to be together. and that he asked me out again despite my weirdness.  

what if. what if. 

i am glad there are no what if regrets with us. :)

4 comments:

  1. Girl, I do this too! When I was a freshman in college, I was part of a freshman leadership organization. I loved that group and would spend all my spare time with them. I assumed I'd be chosen as a counselor for it the next year, but I wasn't. It actually broke my heart. The next year, I decided to not dwell and joined some new clubs. That's how I met my husband! He had already graduated, but lived in the town working so he went to club meetings still. There is no other way we could have met. Things really worked out for the best!

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  2. So true. Chuck is unlike any man I ever dated and I pushed off a first date with him SO many times until I finally gave in and it was THE best date I ever went on. Loved hearing more about your relationship, XO!

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  3. Stars 100% have to align, I couldn't agree more. It's actually mind blowing to think even a couple who hit it off right from the start were able to find each other, let alone a couple who had a couple of bumps in the beginning! I'm so glad you found your soul mate, I think that is absolutely beautiful!

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  4. It's so interesting how one small (or big) decision can take us down a completely different path so that we don't meet that person we need. Or how our own biases or idiosyncrasies can prevent us from taking a chance on someone that could be so great. I'm glad you and Taran gave each other a chance.

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