when i was in high school, i had a math tutor that was probably in his 60's. he was a retired electrical engineer and rather brilliant. all my sisters had been tutored by him, and he tutored dozens of high school kids.
he took math and our tutoring very seriously. at the beginning of my junior year of high school, there was the sadie's hawkins dance where the girl ask the guy. it was the day of the dance and i don't know if you did this at your high school or not, but the day of the dance, you did an all day date. you had a group that you went to the dance with, and you did an all day group date together. i had to drive my friend and her date home and her date lived really, really far away. as i was driving them, i realized i had a tutoring session that i was supposed to be at. i called my tutor, let's call him mr. cozack, and told him that i was sorry that i forgot but it was a school dance, i mean come on! why did i have to go to math tutoring on a saturday anyway? he wasn't there so i left a message.
he was really mad. he called my mom and said "she doesn't understand how serious math is and how important her future is and how math fits into that and she couldn't come because she was at some dance and driving some friend home and how could she forget scoff scoff grunt grunt." he and i had a liz lemmon, jack donaghy relationship where we would fight a lot about things and he would make me do one math problem over and over and over and i would complain and then we would argue and then it would turn into a weird argument about something entirely different and then it would end in playful/friendly yelling.
i'm a broken record telling you that i used to be a performer. a serious performer. i was determined and convinced that was what i was going to do with my life. i danced 30 - 40 hours a week, depending how many shows i was doing, and took singing lessons and had an acting agent and was determined and convinced that was going to be my life.
when i graduated high school, he and i made a bet that i wouldn't be performing when by the time i was 25. he was convinced i would come to my senses and give it up. i was convinced it was my path. we bet $500 bucks that if i was performing when i was 25, he owed me, if i wasn't, i owed him.
well, i turned 25 a month ago, and yesterday i remembered our bet. i called mr. cozack yesterday to chat knowing he wouldn't really make me collect. it was really nice to talk to him. it's funny and sad and happy and weird and ironic how life goes.
i'm at a crossroads in my life right now. and it's exciting. what will lauren do next? people say "that chapter of my life has closed" but i'd rather think of my life in volumes. in books. not one huge book that has chapter after chapter. i like to think of it as book after book. i'm 25 and a book of my life has closed. and if i do say so, i think it was a brilliant book. i stretched, i pushed myself, i lived, i fought, i lost, i loved. all the makings of a book. i've always tried to live my life to the fullest, as if i just had a death scare and now want to seize every opportunity. i'm proud of myself for that.
as with every ending, there is a new beginning. if we are sticking to 30 rock references, what did we do when 30 rock ended? we looked at tina fey and said "what will you do next?" (she did the unbreakable kimmy schmidt and it was brilliant and a lot like 30 rock i just wanted to hug it and write a blog post about it but at the same time it was too much like 30 rock so tina lets see something new) so now i'm staring at myself saying "what will you do next?" i don't know.
but i'm excited to find out.