Lot 48: i confess.... that this post is a bunch of thoughts needing to get out of my head

February 25, 2015

i confess.... that this post is a bunch of thoughts needing to get out of my head

Making Melissa

i confess..... that i don't know how celebrities do it.  when i was flying back from my san fransisco trip i was so tired i wanted to cry.  we had walked practically for 3 days and seen so much i was so beyond exhausted.  i read the latest cosmo issue on the plane where gwen stefani gave an interview.  the interview started out by the reporter saying she was running on 4 hours of sleep and had a cold but you would never know because she was still bubbly and excited to do the photoshoot. i thought about how exhausted i was and thought to myself, "how do celebrities live like that?" i am sure that is a normal day for her.  

i confess.... that i am on this huge kick of reading a bunch of celebrity memoirs.  my favorite one so far has been amy poehler's "yes please."  she is so honest and really hit me right in my soul.  i liked it so much i bought it because i want to read certain parts again and again.  the problem with her book, though, is that she was trying to be funny 70% of the time and it got kind of exhausting. i just wanted to hear about her life, what she thinks and feels, and for the most part she did.  she also talked a lot about how hard it was to write a book (and her book is looooooooong) and that made me feel like 'okaaay...... i'm sorry? do you want me to apologize to you?'

i confess..... that i have this weird thing where if i go somewhere, on vacation, road trip, even to the pool, if i don't use everything i bring, i freak out.  i have this obsession where i have to use everything i brought with me.  everything.  it's weird and also annoying because i get oddly sad when a book i brought to read on vacation hasn't even been cracked open. 

i confess..... that the oscars are weird.  all the movies that are nominated usually aren't movies that are popular.  when the nominees are announced, 99% of the movies i haven't even heard of.  just in case you don't know, the studio submits their film to the Academy Awards people and then everyone in that club vote.  so it is more like a popularity contest, studios campaign for it.  in hollywood, there is a weekly magazine called the hollywood reporter and around award season, it is filled with ads with a big title at the top that say "for your consideration... birdman for best picture" and so on and so on.  it really is just a popularity contest.  it's weird.  and seems kind of pointless to me.  it sounds like high school. or a political race. 

 i confess.... that when i am having a really hard day i know my mood will change drastically if i could just hold a squishy, sweet baby.  like my niece of nephew.  or play with an older kid, like my toddler nieces and nephews.  they calm me and relax me.  they make me feel safe and warm.  

i confess..... that i am 80% done with courtney robertson's tell all bachelor book and it was a really fun read, i haven't been able to put it down.  the show sounds like prison.  they get "yard time" where they can exercise, they don't get a tv, magazines, books, nothing.  they just sit there for days until they get called on a date.  i didn't watch ben flajnik's season so i didn't know who she was so i kept looking up pictures of the other contestants she talked about so i could picture it, and i know she was portrayed as a villain, and in her book, she is very open and honest and really is a villain kind of person.  i didn't particularly like her but i really didn't like ben in the book.  he was a complete and total *$&#(  he was such a jerk to her, i can't believe she held on that long. 

i confess.... that the style section and beauty sections of cosmo really really stress me out.  i don't know what mascara to buy!! what if i don't look good in what is deemed spring's hottest look?  that's why i like elle because even though it is a fashion magazine through and through, they have amazing writers and reporters that write incredible stories about incredible people.  i feel smart when i read it. 

i confess..... that i fear i will lose myself as a person when i become a mother.  that i won't be lauren anymore.  that i won't get to be myself, i'll just be a mom and not a human.  that is why i want to travel and get everything on my bucket list done before we have kids, because i feel like once i become a mother, i won't get to have a life or be a person. is that weird?

whew! that was a lot of confessions! happy humpday! 


  1. The Oscars are totally a high school style popularity contest! So ridiculous! LOL I'm the same way reading a lot of those fashion magazines, a lot of times I just feel like it's information overload and I will never be able to retain all of that info about what's hot and what's not for when I go shopping, so why bother?

  2. I enjoyed Yes Please too but I agree the whole "it's so hard to write a book!" got old after hearing it the first 3 times

  3. I totally love The Oscars. I don't care how ridiculous and arbitrary they are. :-)

    And Ben Flacjnik was SUCH a jerk. Courtney was a villain, it's true, but Ben was an idiot and probably the worst bachelor EVER.

  4. Ahh, Loved Courtney's tell-all book! And you didn't miss much on the season, Ben was awful.

  5. Great idea to have your bucket list before kids. Will you lose yourself as a mom? Not going to lie...you can....if you allow it. It's important to make time for yourself. It's healthy that way and it's healthy for your kids too.

  6. Courtney's book was really interesting! I read it in like 2 days.

  7. I'm pretty sure prisoners have it better than the contestants on The Bachelor/ette.

  8. I agree about the Oscars being a popularity contest. I watched all the movies nominated for Best Picture and ranked my list of favorites which was probably in stark contrast to what the academy voters picked as their favorites.
    I've had similar thoughts on celebrities as well, I have no idea how people run on that little sleep and still manage to make it through the day. I'd love for a magazine interview to tell me how to achieve that.

  9. Yeah I also don't know how they do it

  10. It is really hard to not lose yourself when you become a mother. I work really hard at this all the time. Some days are better than others. I make myself get dressed and put on makeup everyday, even if I'm staying home with my kids. I travel without them (I also traveled before them), I participate in groups that aren't just about motherhood, I work outside the home, and I blog. Motherhood is awesome but good for you, for thinking about all this before you become a mom. So many women don't and it's sad because once their kids are in school or out of the house, they have no idea who they are anymore.


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