Lot 48: at this time last year...

February 4, 2015

at this time last year...

i was been so busy with giveaways and my linkup i am getting distracted from what really matters this week: my one year wedding anniversary.  it is on sunday.  and i am freaking out.

at this time last year, i had started living in our new apartment.  and i was a total and complete mess.  i wanted to be married to taran so badly, and i had waited for what felt like YEARS to marry him and i was convinced the day was never going to come.  

when you think about it, i had been waiting years to marry him.   all my life, i knew what i wanted my husband to be like, what personality traits i needed him to have, what emotional needs i needed.  i knew what i wanted.  and it took me 22 years to find him.  so yes, i had been waiting years to find him.

i love this post by bonnie as she talks about how completely awful being engaged is.  i couldn't have said it better myself.  in fact, there is a post about being engaged in my drafts that will never be published because i could never write it as well as bonnie.  when you are Mormon and you are getting married in the temple, engagements tend to be quick and frustrating.  we don't have sex before we are married.  we don't live together before we are married.  so being engaged is extremely extrememly difficult and awful.  my engagement was 3 1/2 months long, and i hated every second of it.

by the time taran proposed, i had already wanted to marry him for 5 months.  then i had to wait nearly 4 more months.  it was horrible. wedding planning wasn't too bad, my mom is a gem and took the reigns on so many things.  the only thing i didn't like about wedding planning was that we were always busy doing something to prepare for the wedding on the weekends and taran and i didn't get a lot of cuddle time on the weekends, which i hated. 

all it wanted was to be married to him.  i remember one year ago today because it was the wednesday before the big day, i was lying on my bed in our new apartment sobbing my eyes out while taran held me.  "saturday will never come! we have been waiting so long!! it won't happen! i am stuck in this hole where time goes so slowly and we will never reach saturday!!" i was so upset. people didn't get why i was so upset. "you're wedding is in like 3 days!!" "but that isn't soon enough!!!!" i raged.  i was impatient and desperate to marry taran.  to start a life with him, to live with him, to come home everyday to him, to be his wife.  i was ACHING to be his wife.  and time went soooooo slowly. 

everything was ready, everything was set.  i was part of the big brother big sister program at the time and told my little sister i probably wouldn't be able to do something with her the saturday before my wedding. to my surprise, when february 2 came, i was free and i really didn't have anything to do.  i was staying at taran's parents house where taran was living until a few days before the wedding when i went to our new apartment.  i hung out with my "little sister" emma and was totally calm.  just frustrated.  i didn't have anything to do.  

but the night before my wedding, mere hours before my wedding, i realized so many things i hadn't done that needed to get done. as i have mentioned in the past, when you get married in the LDS temple, you have to go through "endowments" first.  it is an extremely sacred ceremony when you get your sacred temple garments, or that "funny underwear" everyone talks about. (learn more about temple garments here it is a super informative video if you are curious.)  i took out my endowments the night before my wedding so my dad could be there.  the whole process takes about 5 hours.  before i went in, i realized all these things i had forgotten to do and was furiously texting my bridesmaids telling them what was left to be done. 

when i got home on friday, after my endowments, my best friends and bridesmaids were sleeping over.  i got so excited when i got home that we had a dance party and just jammed out because i was fnallllly getting marrrrried!!!!!!!!!!!! we stayed up too late talking about "the deed" i was going to do the next day and making lists of everything i needed so i wouldn't forget anything and so the day went smoothly. (the day did not go smoothly.) 

so that is what was happening a year ago.  and i really really really can't believe that it will be one year on sunday!! crazy!! i don't want it to come and am fighting it with all my might because i want to be newly weds forever! i have been on cloud nine for a year, i don't want to come down!! taran says next year will be better, we will be on cloud 10 and we will never have to come down! newlyweds foreverrrrrrrr!!!!!

don't forget to join us for the you are beautiful link up tomorrow!  a refresher on the rules and what the giveaway is about here.  join us if you are going through a hard time, struggling with self image, infertility, need a supportive community, whatever! lets inspire each other and support each other!
Lot 48
and now me and some lovely ladies have joined together to give you aa $150 Victoria's Secret gift card to one lucky reader!! Giveaway will last from Feb 4 - Feb 11! go buy something sexy for your partner or just some yummy smelling beauty products.  otherwise, we all need a good bra and we know vickey's has the BEST bras. for real. good luck!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway


  1. I love your wedding dress! Wow... so pretty!

  2. Holy Moly beautiful bride!!! You look absolutely stunning. Congrats on one year, that is something special! make sure to take time and enjoy the day with your love, you guys deserve it!

  3. It may not have been a perfectly smooth day, but at least your dreams came true and you got to marry an amazing man. I love your story!

  4. My sister and brother-in-law waited 2.5 years to get married..... and as devout Christians, they didn't have sex either. I can't even imagine how tough that must have been!


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