Lot 48: just a whole bunch of jumble

December 12, 2014

just a whole bunch of jumble

the difference between an aunt and a babysitter you pay is that when the kid asks for blueberries, you know he means the dried blueberries in the cupboard and not fresh blueberries from the fridge.
the difference between an aunt and a paid babysitter is when older brother pushes younger brother down deliberately, you can punish older to what extend you feel necessary and mom won't be like "what the h***"
the difference between an aunt and a paid babysitter is when the kid says "i want scout!! i want my scout! you know he means the dalmatian stuffed dog he goes nowhere without.
the difference between an aunt and a paid babysitter is the aunt doesn't get paid.
the difference between an aunt and a paid babysitter is when your 4 yr old baby is scared of sleeping alone, he will ask you to lay on the floor to watch over them until he falls asleep.
the difference between an aunt and a paid babysitter is you are the nephew's agent for his modeling gigs. 
the difference between an aunt and a paid babysitter is the paid babysitter doesn't usually have huge pictures of all 7 of the children hanging in her cubicle at work. 
the difference between an aunt and a paid babysitter is the aunt knows when the baby will get hungry, knows what blanket the kid prefers when he sleeps, and what songs he likes to sing before bed. 
the difference between an aunt and a paid babysitter is the aunt babysits a lot, spends a lot of time with her babies, and still gets no kisses any niecephew above the age of 1.
wasn't that the best intro ever??? i felt the need to write it.  today i am breaking a rule i have had since i started blogging:  i am going to talk about something i wouldn't want to talk to a stranger about face to face.  that has always been my rule.  but today, i'm breaking it.  gasp.
hey hey hey it is FRIDAY!! and today at work, we are having our holiday party!! we are going to a nice restaurant where we get forced into awkward small talk we don't want to partake in and exchange white elephant gifts.  oh wait.  it won't be awkward small talk, i am thinking of a holiday party from years ago, i actually like these people!! 
this week was a DOOZY.   we were very, very busy doing very, very important things.  such as, comforting best friends who are postponing/possibly canceling their engagement, finishing paperwork for our new car and getting drained of more money than we have ever seen, babysitting, and a situation at work that was completely, theoretically, unrelated to me that caused a lot of unexpected unpleasant feelings from flashbacks of just a few months ago.  pleasant.  kazaaaaa.  
this week was one of those weeks where i felt like i was a warrior.   you know how you have those weeks?? you feel like you are fighting against the world and it's demons and are on the go go go go and you have no time to breathe.  and when you do breathe, you find yourself working through weird things that make you really sad.  and there is lots of crying.  its been a weird week full of crying about things i don't really know about.  
people can make you feel small sometimes.  but that is YOUR CHOICE.  while making the stupid decision to cry in front of my niece and nephew while babysitting, and say "aunt lauren's sad" i tell my nephew, "you know what we do when someone hurts us?  we forgive them.  we turn the other cheek and we decide to put a smile on our faces."  all he said is "oh" because he's 3 and what do you expect.
while calming my bff while she worried that whomever judges her or wonders why she is postponing her wedding date, it is NOT HER PROBLEM.  what people think of you is not your problem.  it is theirs. one of the best things taran has ever said to me is "it is none of my business what people think of me" and that is so true.  he is so wise. oddly and (unfairly!!) i had to take my own advice later in the week.  
the thing is, i will fight for my friends to the death.  once you have me as a friend, i will take us too seriously and love you too hard and protect you and fight with you and for you and i will be on your side.  99% of the time, i will not leave you.  the jury is out on if this is a bad thing, that i loved too hard or that i gave too much too soon.  too trusting, too open, too eager to befriend.  
is that a bad thing??  what do you think?? am i crazy for packing up the desk of a coworker i just met and sort of maybe befriended and driving 30 miles to her house after she got unexpectedly fired the day before her toe surgery?  does that make me a sucker or a good person?? does it make me a sucker to love her, to want to protect her, to want to fight on her behalf, to make sure she never has to come back to the place that let her go (because i have been in the exact position she was in and i can't go within a 10 mile radius of my old work), or does it just make me stupid?? tell me.  because i don't know.  because i really feel like a puts.  a schmuck.  a loser because i love too hard. and it makes me feel stupid.  i have been allowing people to make me feel stupid all week.  but that's my choice.  a stupid choice.  i'm not taking my own advice.  i'm not doing what i told my nephew.  

so here i am crying, crying because i'm a shmuck (when did i become jewish??) and telling him that i love too hard and i'm an idiot and i'm crying soooo hard and you know what happens?? my husband, my sweet, sweet, angelic husband says "i was going to wait until Christmas or Valentine's Day but i think you need it now."  we always say to each other that we love each other more and so he got me a necklace that says "i love you more" so now it is finally decided, he loves me more.  i loved it.  and then i just started crying harder because i love him so much and i really really love him and it was so sweet and at least there is one person who i don't have to worry about not loving me back.

so what's the status? what do you say??? shmuck or Christlike?

also, a coworker sent this to me at the end of work yesterday and i lost it.  i was laughing so hard it was inappropriate for the workplace.  i COULD NOT contain myself.  it was just too funny.  and then taran came to visit me at work and meet everyone (and take said boxes of said "friend"'s belongings from desk because hello heavy) and the coworker was like "are you going to show him the grinch video?" and i said "oh that is dangerous.  we better do it at home.  i'm going to lose it again." it's 15 seconds WATCH IT 

also, i totally changed my ad options.  there are 4 options instead of 3 now. (!!!!!) so use writer30 for.... you guessed it!! 30% off writer ads and 30% off production assistant ads with code PA30!! also, last day to take the survey.  take it and you enter to win a director spot. kazzaaaa. okay lauren you have now said that twice in one blog post. stop it.

also.  nashville this week?!?!?!?!!? stalker this week?!?!?!?!?! THIS IS ALL EXCELLENT TELEVISON


  1. Oh my god, you two are so adorable. Now if you plan to get him something, make sure it has " I love you EVEN more" or what, on it.
    Noor's Place

  2. I am here for you girl. Tough weeks like these only make you stronger - and teach you so much. And by the way, your husband is the sweetest ever for giving you that early! He was right, you totally needed it :) I am here if you ever need to vent.

  3. Oh my gosh, Chris and I totally do the "I love you more" thing. That's too funny! And that necklace is so pretty!

    I'm sorry you had a rough week, but glad it was mixed with some good. And I'm so happy that you are handling things so well and that your new job is awesome and that you like your co-workers.

  4. Oh girl, if I had a dime for every time someone said or I thought I loved too much, too hard, too soon. I don't think it makes you a shmuck at all. It just means you have such a big and giving heart and enough love to share with more and more people. I know that feeling all too well. Just another reason why we are friends! I'm so sorry it's been a rough week. I'm always here through email and letters and such!

  5. That video!!! Haha. He could so model. He's precious. That's awesome that you like your co-workers! I like mine too, and the sales team is having our Secret Santa exchange this Friday, which I'm really excited about! I can't wait. Working with people that you actually like makes a huge difference. It definitely makes you enjoy your job more.

    It sounds like you had a hard week! I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm like you, and I get attached to people really quickly. I'm quick to trust, and I've been called a doormat before, but if I don't feel like I'm being used, then why should I feel bad for doing nice things for people. I think it's great that you were willing to drive 30 miles after packing up your ex-co-worker's desk. I think it shows that you have a big heart, and I don't think you should be judged for that.

    It's so sweet that your husband was able to make you feel better and bought you a reminder of the love that two of you share. Sometimes it's good to have those reminders. It's amazing to have someone that you can lean on when you're not at your strongest.


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