Lot 48: well here we go.....

October 31, 2014

well here we go.....

first off, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!! 

well, my dears, it is friday.  the last free friday i will have until who knows when.  i start my new job on monday.  and. i. am. t e r r i f i ed. oh my goodness.  
the last month before i went on disability leave at my last month was absolutely miserable.  i was so sick. it was so hard to work.  i haven't worked in three months.  and there has been a lot of self doubt and major anxiety hanging around here all week.  

what if i can't do it?  what if i fail again and get let go again?  what if i can't do it?  what if i let everybody down again?  if you ask those in my life, they will say that i didn't let anyone down, i didn't fail, yada yada yada but that is not how it feels. i am so scared.  i don't remember what it is like to not have to suffer tooth and nail through a work day.  

but i have gotten better.  a lot better.  my health has greatly improved.  i know that.  those close to me, we all know that.  but still, i am scared and terrified out of my mind.  out of my freaking mind.  fear is a beast.  doubt is the devil.  i am my own worst enemy.

but! i got soooo much done this week!! i was so productive!! i changed my oil, shopped and got a huge steal for new work clothes, returned library books, carved pumpkins, had fun with my nieces and nephews, went to a movie with taran, got my wedding dress preserved, got a flu shot, and got a everything on my list done!! my last week of freedom!! and i was productive, just like i wanted to be.  now i can enjoy halloween and spend all weekend trying with all my might to keep my major anxiety in check. 

who am i kidding, this is going to be a very anxious weekend.  a very nervous weekend.  a very scary weekend.  but i am meeting up with a friend i haven't seen since my wedding, so that's good.  my arm where my flu shot happened really hurts and i can't lay on it or touch it.  but i did it for you! my unborn niece who is to arrive any second!!! my sister is dialated to a two, i bet we will have a new baby girl by monday!! 

i also printed out some fun pictures to hang at my desk, pictures of my study abroad to remind me of happy things.  calm things.  

it's allllll gonna be okay.  i can do this.  i can do this.  I CAN DO THIS.   oh dear.  i hope i'm right.

if you need me today, i'll be trick or treating with adorable children while wearing my audrey hepburn costume.  i'm going to go watch the movie 21 now because i am writing this on hallows eve and cuddle with my husband because if there is one thing that cures my anxiety, it's him.

cheers.  have an AMAZING halloween and i can't wait to hear all about it on monday! muah! (that was a kiss from me to you ;))  and i won't update this post with my costume today, so be sure to follow me on intagram to see me in my audrey glory and my hunky hubs as humphrey bogart!! and yes, weird costume couple choice, but whatevs, okay?

oh, and also.  my space bar on my computer really is broken.  and useless.  so a special thanks to my in laws for lending me their laptop until we can save for that macbook i have my eye on.  i'm coming for you........

but wait before i go, i couldn't live with myself if i didn't share with you halloween gifs.  and don't forget to read this story of when i went to a party as my sister for halloween and everyone believed me!!
okay i really need to watch halloweentown now.

and now i need to watch all the halloween community episodes!! i love halloween episodes!!
happy halloween!! MUUUUAAAAHHHH (evil laugh)
 

4 comments:

  1. Yay for Halloween Community episodes!

    You are going to ROCK this new job! You are amazing and they hired you because they know it. Now you just need to realize it too!

    Happy Halloween, my friend! Can't wait to see you in your Audrey finest!

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  2. First things first: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!! I haven't seen Community in some time, but I remember they always had THE BEST Halloween eps. Hope they're on Netflix :)

    Oh, I understand the anxiety. Sadly oh too well. I wish you nothing but the best for your fist day on the new job and I'm SURE you'll do great. As you said: we are our own worst enemies and whatever we have going on upstairs is not what it appears to others :) And remember--likely everyone you meet is fighting their own battles. I know that doesn't always help, but for me, it's comforting to know I'm not alone, ya know what I mean? Best wishes, have a great time trick-or-treating (love the costume idea) and BREATHE! You bot this :)

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  3. It is totally normal to be nervous and anxious before yor first day at a new job, it is scary but a good kind of scary! Have a wonderful Halloween, I can't wait to see your Audrey costume, I bet it will look adorable!

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