Lot 48: September 2014

September 30, 2014

the most underrated movies

one of our favorite things to do together in the evenings after we have eaten dinner and cleaned up, is cuddle up and watch a movie.  we always watch something daily because we need good cuddle time daily.  

i don't have that extensive of a movie collection, but the movies i do have, are near and dear to my heart.  these three movies fall into that category.  and i feel like i am the only one who loves these movies and am the only one who bought them and watches them on repeat.  

i love everything about this movie.  the magic, the romance, the villians, the plot, everything.  i think it is one of my favorite romance movies and i love watching the characters fall in love.  this is one of my favorites to watch with my husband.  i kiss him a lot during it.  because i love him as much as she loves him!! and he has my heart!! it has a pretty good rating on imdb, but it made no money domestically, but did make money worldwide.  which stumps me.  why did no one see this movie? it's amazing!! have you seen it?  do you love it?

okay.  i get a little emotional when i talk about this movie.  this is absolutely, 100% my all time favorite movie.  of all the movies in the history of movies, this is my favorite movie.  i cry just thinking about it.  this movie made absolutely no money, but got stellar reviews.  as it deserves.  this movie is so powerful and that is why i love it.  i always cry at the end, and sometimes the beginning, and i really can't explain why this is my favorite movie of all time except that it is powerful, emotional, and the characters are so, so, so beautifully flawed.  i can't describe my passion for this movie.  words can't express.  but if you haven't seen it, watch it now.  now now now.

i have already talked about how much i love mr magorium's wonder emporium, but in case you missed it, i really, really love this movie.  and i know, i know, its a kids movie!!  but i love this movie because it teaches you to believe in yourself.  that you have more power within you than you realize.  that you have more magic in you than you realize.  i always watch this movie when times are hard and i need someone to help me believe in myself.  this movie is so special to me and i have shared it with my mom and my husband, and they both didn't like it!! have you seen it? it's amazing!! molly doesn't believe in herself, and the whole movie is about her regaining her confidence and the amazing man who helped her do it.  i just love the message.  and i don't understand why i am the only one in the world who loves loves loves this movie.

now go win some money.

morganmegan | heather | karissa
terin | tawnya | mar | maegen
lauren | katie | kate | vanessa
amy | karli | libby | caroline

September 29, 2014

the anatomy of a tv show part II

i am so overwhelmed and excited about the great readership i had for part I of "anatomy of a tv show" so thank you for twisting my arm into explaining the rest of this very complicated business!! i hope you find this as fascinating as the first part!! but also, disclaimer: i am not an expert.  this is just my knowledge of how the business works from working briefly in the business, so if i am wrong on any of these facts, i apologize.

so the first thing i need to apologize is for letting out an important part in part I of this whole learning experience.  the pitching is much more complicated than i led you to believe.  and after checking with my friend in LA who works for the CW and getting confused myself, i think i have untangled the knots.

in the first part, i said i went around pitching but i didn't say what i was pitching.  okay.  deep breaths.  we can explain this.  i said i had an idea right?  and that i first went to a production studio to pitch said idea?  well, this pitching does not include a document.  i am verbally going around telling people what my idea is.  it have helped make these proposals and from my experience, they include  poster board. 

okay.  now, i said in the first part that my idea went all the way to the network and my idea was purchased right?  this is when i start writing things.  writing a script?  not that unusual, but probably not.  what i am writing is a 3-4 page story area that describes in writing what i pitched, basically.  and then. after that, i pitch an outline which is longer usually 6-7 pages that describes in more detail what i want my show to be.  that goes through a lot of drafts and once my outline is approved, then i write the script.  okay?  do we understand?  (thank you collin for clearing this up for me!!)  

okay, now that i have cleared that up and maybe made your brain hurt a little bit, let's move on with the anatomy of a tv show, because we still don't know how a show gets aired!!

where we left on off in part I, i had just signed a deal with a production company, tv studio and network to make my sitcom. and as mentioned above, i need to write the story area and outline before i write the script.  once that is approved, now i actually write the script. but keep in mind, just because the studio and network have agreed to make my pilot does not mean my pilot will ever air. let me explain why.

you may notice that the diagram is a little different from the first post.  that is because we have more moving parts now. now that a network and studio wants to make my show, we need to make the pilot!! 

so now we do the usual things.  the studio (because the network has nothing creatively to do with making the show at all, remember?) starts contacting acting agents and the casting director starts auditions.  then i sit on my throne behind a very big table in a very intimidating pose while i watch actor after actor try to bring my words to life.  or not.  i actually don't know if the creator of the show has much to do with the casting.  granted, the network has final say on casting, but i am with the studio so i get to intimidate people.  the network needs to know who will make them money!

once everyone is casted and i have intimidated as much people as possible, production on the pilot starts.  the pilot of my show is made.  KAZAA!!! does this mean my show will air? no!! 

let's look at the timeline of all of this.  we know new shows premiere in the fall, and second tier shows premiere in the spring.  well, grey's anatomy appeared in the spring, so let's not use such a derogatory term.  let's just call them shows that couldn't quite make the cut the first time around.  so all the pitching that i mentioned in part I all happens in fall.  by january, the casting process starts and the pilot is shot, has to be shot by may.  

why may?  great question.  there is a big huge conference in NYC each may where networks pitch these pilots to advertisers.  as sad as it is, advertisers are the ones who pretty much decide which shows get aired, because shows make money off the commercials.  so if you have no advertisers that are interested in your show, no dice for you. your pilot will never be aired. you get to watch your pilot in the comfort of your own home with a big bottle of whatever alcohol you choose while you cry and cry and scream into the heavens "i was so close!!!!!"  

but since this is my imagination and in order for you to learn this, let's pretend that advertisers like my show and all come up to me and shake my hand and "say you are the next tina fey and mindy kaling and your show is going to be the greatest show in the history of everything and we will pour as much money into it as you need."  and i just laugh confidently and say, "oh, thank you.  yes,  yes, tina and i talk all the time."

you might have noticed, but shows are usually given chunks of episodes in threes. how it typically goes is, "okay, you get 3 episodes to convince everyone they should watch your show.  if you don't get good ratings, we will pull the plug.  if you get good ratings, you get three more episodes."  

so, depending on how much advertisers like my show, the network will tell me "you're so amazing, we are going to give you 6 episodes right off the bat because you are a genius."  if you do well, you get 12, (half season) then 21-24 depending on how long you want to drag out your season finale.  go back to your shows that have been canceled.  you will see they had 3, 6, (or 7 because you're realllllly important.  the first season of scandal was 7 episodes because its shonda rhimes and she can do whatever she wants) or 12 (sometimes 13 because we couldn't tie up all the loose ends in 12!) episodes.  

great! so now my show will be aired!! because the advertisers say so!! now.  we need to go back to the pilot and see if it really is as good as it might be. we might re shoot the pilot, a lot of studios do. and then because i got 6 episodes, i start writing the next episodes, hire my writing staff, aka, my new best friends, and everything else i need.  just kidding.  i don't hire people.  we will get that in a minute.  then we start making the thing.  we work hard all summer so that come sept/oct we are ready to give you 6 glossy episodes.  and then because my show is soooo amazing,  i get a full season.

now.  there is something called a showrunner on each show.  that is the boss of the show who runs everything creatively.  they choose costumes, sets, the script, and have either a producer or writer background.  the showrunner isn't always the creator.   i would not be the showrunner on my show  because this is my first rodeo and i have no idea what i'm doing.  you know toby on the office? he was actually the showrunner for the office.  depending on the creator's experience, they could be the showrunner of their show, but not likely.  greg daniels "created" (i put that in air quotes because it was an adaptation from the british version) but he was not the showrunner.  paul lieberstein (toby) was the showrunner.  

it all depends on ratings.  you know that.  we all know that.  at the end of the season, the network decides if they want to renew your show.  you could get renewed for a full season, or just half a season.  all ratings, all money.  the network give a &;@%$ about the creativity of your show, all they care about is if your show is making them money.  

the studio doesn't make a lot of money.  they make their money from selling DVDs, soundtracks, shirts, etc.  glee?? their studio made money from the concert tour they did.  the office?  their studio made money from the board game they sold (which i have). the biggest way they make money is through syndication. you know what syndication is right? friends originally appeared on NBC but is now like on every channel on your tv? that's syndication.  the studio is this poor little island that doesn't get taken good care of financially. but! if they have really successful shows, they can ride that money bank for years. 

but there are these pesky network execs that come in and change everything although they have no idea about creativity of a show or how to make a good show.  they just come chop everything and make changes if they think this thing or that thing won't make money.  ask any show creator.  they all hate network execs. they come and tell them how to do their job when they have no idea to do said job.  fun. 

and i think i covered everything!! i fully enjoyed writing these posts and teaching you how a show becomes a show! it is such a passion of mine, i was so happy to share my knowledge!

there has been some interest in the anatomy of a movie. it is completely different but is a bit simpler process and takes, much, much longer.  but, i am hesitant to write said post because i don't know the process as well as i do tv.  i have no desire to work in movies, so i focused all my learning on television while in LA. 

i hope everything made sense! ask questions in comments if you have no idea what i just said. 

September 25, 2014


kids say the funniest things don't they? it is one of my favorite things about them.  

we all know i have a lot of niecephews (a term i coined to say nieces and nephews because nobody got time to say both words. come on now) 6 to be exact, but 4 of them are talking.  isaac is the 6th and he wasn't born when this picture was taken.  he turned 2 months old two days ago!!!! 

clockwise: london: 1yr, avery: 2 yr, oliver: 2 yr, eli: 4 yr, lincoln: 3 yr

the day after lincoln moved to utah i was pushing him in his swing in his new home.
lincoln: aunt lauren, thanks for making my house better.
he was referencing me helping them unpack.  what a sweetheart

me: what did you do today avery?
avery: worked.
me: oh you worked?
avery: no, daddy worked.

lincoln: there is a tire on the towtruck!
me: you know, a few weeks ago, i got a flat tire and that big tow truck came and used that tire on the back to make my car all  better.
lincoln: oh!! and then what did you do?
me: then i went home.
lincoln: and then did you and uncle taran play with your toys?

me: what's the name of your baby, avery?
avery: katienbaksdkflj
me: katie?
avery: katiekansdkfsioi
i look at her mom to translate
rachelle: she's saying katiebaby.
me: oh! katiebaby? is that your baby's name?
avery: yeah. 

while pushing lincoln and avery on the swings shortly after avery  had moved into her house.
me: lincoln, have you been to cousin avery's new house yet?
lincoln: oh i can't be there, it's just such a mess.

me: oliver, you are so cute.  i love you.
oliver: no!! i'm a big boy!! 

me: lincoln, are you a big brother?
lincoln: no. i'm lincoln.
me: you're cousin was born today.  did you know you were as tiny as he was once? you weighed only 6 pounds!
lincoln: no i didn't! i'm lincoln.

while my sister is trying to get oliver dressed.
oliver: no! i don't want to wear that cute shirt!
proceeds to throw himself into a tantrum

at family dinner all the kids are playing in the playroom.  i walk in and ask lincoln what he is doing.
lincoln: i'm painting the walls!!
me: uh oh.  let me see what you are painting with.
it is a lipgloss palette.  this is avery's playroom after all.
me: sweetie, this is lipgloss.  girls put it on their lips to look pretty.
lincoln: oh! then i put it on you.
he does so very carefully and then puts lipgloss on avery, my mom and his aunt rachelle.  he is such a sweetheart!! 

i wish i had some eli-isms for you but he is too cool for me and runs away when i come to his house.  he's too cool for me now and thinks i'm super annoying.  sigh.

also, musings of an aunt.

September 23, 2014

the anatomy of a tv show

it seems like every blogger in blogland is talking about how excited they are about fall tv returning.  and i am right there with them!! i LOVE TV.   you and me ken.  you and me.

for some of you new to the blog, you might not know that i spent a semester in college interning at two production companies in LA.  i learned tons about "the biz" and since you are all so excited about the return of tv (and i am too!!) i thought it would be fun to give you a lesson on how a show goes from an idea to the screen.  because it is a very, very long and tedious process.  but also fast, compared to movies. 
first let's take a good look at the magnificent awkward image i made for you to help you understand.

okay, so as we all know i am an aspiring sitcom writer, let's pretend that little person i drew is me.  i have a brilliant idea for a sitcom.  i call my agent (footnote: if you send a script to a production company, studio, executive, etc. without sending it through an agent or a really nice intern you made friends with, aka me in 2011, they shred it.  they literally put it in a shredder.  they put your dreams in a shredder. and it's all very sad and we would all shed a  tear whenever we had to do it.  which was a lot.  companies have to shred these scripts by law because there is no agent to protect them from you coming up to them and saying "you stole my idea!! i am going to sue you!! bring out the pitchforks!!" so into the shredder it goes. HAS TO go through an agent.) i put manager up there in the diagram only because i didn't want my little stick figure man to be lopsided.  i really am not sure how much kris jenner your manager would be involved.

so, i have this idea.  and there are roughly 20,000 writers who come up with ideas for shows.  at least, that is the number i was told 3 years ago.  some agents will be like "that's a horrible idea, why would you embarrass me like that, get out of my office.  bring me something i haven't heard but the same as everything else." (literally the name of a very good screenwriting book)

before we go off to the races with my idea, i need to explain how the idea is presented.  i verbally present the idea, at this point i haven't written a thing.  okay?  keep that in mind.  poster boards are involved, but i am verbally pitching my show, okay?

so then off you go with your agent to a production company, like the one i worked for,  and you pitch your show to them and they say "i love it!! it's the new parks and rec!! it's brilliant!!" and i say "obviously.  i came up with it. get me amy poehler on the phone."

okay, so now you have two people with you: your agent and the exec at the production company.

are you with me so far?? okay. so then.

you need a studio to make said show.

this is where things get complicated.  let me explain the difference between a tv network and a studio.  a network does absolutely nothing in the creation of the show.  nothing. zilch nada nothin'.  the studio is the one who does allllllllll the work.

examples of studios are warner brothers, sony, fox, etc.  now don't confuse fox studio with fox network.  i have been on the fox lot and touched gloria and jay's trailer of modern family while on the fox lot.  "but lauren!  i don't understand!! modern family is on ABC!!" yes! excellent question student of mine!! the studio  that makes modern family is FOX, but the network is NBC. that is because the studio and the network are totally separate.

okay, so back to me taking over the world. so now i go with my production company exec and my agent and i go to warner brothers stuiod and fox studio and sony  studio and every other studio because it's a tough business out there, you see and there is a lot of rejection.

but then!! when i go with my exec. and my agent to sony they LOVE it and tell me i am brilliant and bring out their on staff masseur and also give me a really good smoothie and i meet jerry seinfeld.(was seinfeld made by sony? idk.. but i picked the sony studio because i really love the location.  and my favorite restaurants are near the sony lot. warner brothers is waaaaaay out there and fox is, well, near the grove mall kind of. "shut up lauren, we don't live in LA, you aren't making sense." FINE)

so then!! me, my agent, my production company exec, and the studio exec. alllll come with me to NBC, ABC, CBS, all the acronyms.  if we are feeling really raunchy we might even go to some cable networks if i want to have some nudity and lots of curse words in my show. and then NBC (chose it cause, duh, the peacock) is like "i LOVE IT!!! bring out the foot rubs and the shirtless men to carry you on a fur plate! oh an why don't we make mindy kaling your mentor!" OKAY. oh wait, her studio is fox.  never mind.

okay.  now that NBC has purchased my idea, i write what is called a story area which is a 3-4 page description of basically what i presented verbally.  then, i write an outline which is usually 6-7 pages and goes through many, many drafts.  once my outline is approved, then i write a script.  now, sidenote, after checking with my friend in LA who works for the CW, he told me that it isn't that unusual to already have the script written when you start pitching.  just know that it will go through dozens and dozens of drafts once your idea is purchased.

 you would think we are done right? that i just explained everything? we are not even close to being done!!! not even close AT ALL!! i am going to separate this into two parts.

**update: here is the second  part of the anatomy of a television show.  you will see that i made a mistake in the first draft of this post and fixed my mistake here, but on part II, you might read information i just told you in order so my readers who have already read this post and are anxiously awaiting the second post aren't confused.  

September 20, 2014

a (quick?) recap of my study abroad in london

in spring of 2011, i did a study abroad in london. it was the happiest time of my life  which resulted in some very exciting stories that i am very excited to share with you!! 
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i lived right across the street from hyde park and my first day in london, you can understand that i was totally enamored with everything that i was seeing/hearing/smelling/all the other senses.  i was walking into hyde park when a gentleman on a bicycle passed me and said "watch out love!!!" and i got all kind of giddy because it was my first real british experience. 
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and then i saw this guy and had to re enact him.
and then! and then!! guess what!! the royal wedding happened! some people from my group were crazy enough to go to buckingham palace the night before the wedding and camp out all night long so they could get a glimpse of kate driving to westminster abbey, but i was feeling sane, so i stayed in our flat and slept like a baby.  but! the wedding was projected on enormous screens at hyde park!! take a look.
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i can't remember if that is kate walking down the aisle or walking into westminster abbey.  i think it's walking into the abbey.
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this was a royal occasion!! of course you had to wear your best hat!! there were also tea in thermoses everywhere and crumpets, scones and cookies on blankets everywhere as well.  picnic time!!
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some people wore white dresses to pretend they were brides. i should have done that!!
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my congratulations picture to the bride and groom!! hooray!!  you can read a more in depth summary of the royal wedding on my blog here.
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some of the girls who stayed up all night at the palace made friends with some lovely brits from brighton. when we made a day trip there, we went out with them at night after everyone else in our group had left.  the brits are the man on my right and the girl on the far right.  we still keep in touch to this day!! they were like "we don't know where to take you because you don't drink!!" so they took us to this lovely cafe where had scones with creme and jam!! a british tradition!! 
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london was the happiest time of my life.  sure, there was school and i had two classes but i really couldn't care less about them.  the world was my oyster.  there is so much to do and see in london!! every day was a new adventure!! we had class field trips and because it was a theater study abroad, 
we had mandatory plays we had to go to, so i saw about 6 plays at the globe theater.
actually, my ex was friends with two of the people on my study abroad and he was on a study abroad with his school the same time i was on a study abroad with mine.  i was so paranoid the entire time that i was going to see him.  that man broke my heart into a million pieces and is a scum of the earth.  i don't hate a lot of people, but i really, really hate him.  
we went to a matinee at the globe theater of the taming of the shrew and afterward we were all hanging out and chatting.  and there he was.  the devil.  i refer to him as voldemort because that is how evil he is.  a girl that i was closest to on my study abroad was standing in front of me, i hid behind her and pulled at her jacket and said "that's my ex.  the ex i told you about." and she said "wait, what?" it took her a minute to process because what are the odds of running into the spawn of satan thousands of miles away from home?  i said "get me out of here. hurry, before he sees me.  i'm going run.  come with me."  and i ran.  faster than i have ever ran in my entire life.  my friend, camille, yelled at me, "slow down, i can't keep up!!" but i wanted to put as much space between me and him as possible.  seeing him made me want to vomit.  camille was going to school to be a nurse and she took my pulse and said "wowwwwwww." then we went to mcdonald's and got a cadbury milkshake and then went to a toy store. 
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i was feeling so crappy that night, but i wasn't gong to let voldemort ruin my plans with my friends.  we had plans to go clubbing!! so clubbing we went!! we didn't know where to go, so we got off the subway at picadilly circus and figured we would just walk around until we found a fun club to go to.  
i saw a hip girl our age and said "look guys, a fun girl! let's follow her!" so we did and we totally freaked her out.  she walked really fast and she kept turning around but i am so glad we followed her because that club was the best club we had been to in all our six weeks of living in london. 
now, let me clear something up for you.  if you read my blog already, you know that i have never had a drop of alcohol in my life.  but that doesn't mean i don't like to go to clubs to go dancing!! you can read this fun post where i speculate what can of a drunk i would be.  pretty sure i would be a sad drunk.  anyway. 
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this is one of my favorite stories to tell about my time in london.  we got off in soho, and being the newbies we are, we didn't know what that meant.  it was late afternoon, and we were wandering around getting to know the city.  we soon realized that we were in the red  light district.  oh dear, it was bad.  sex shop after sex shop after sex shop.  thank GOODNESS it was late afternoon and not night time!! we found this on one of the doors.
poor family who lives in that house!  how many times must they had their door knocked on by some gross person who wanted a prostitute?? 
i met a very, very hunky brazilian man who gave me a very, very memorable last night in london.  i saw him a few days before i was leaving and when i told him i was leaving on friday, he said that he needed to take me dancing on friday. this was the second time that we would have gone dancing, the first time i brought two friends with me, but camille realized she forgot her ID when she got there and was going to go home.  but since paulo was a body guard and knew every body guard in the city he just talked to the bouncer and they let camille in.
anyway, this time we were going dancing just the the two of us.  i waited for him at the tube stop as we agreed upon and was soooo excited!! but he was super late and he pulled up in a car with a friend.  i was so disappointed. 
he took me to a brazilian club where he taught me a traditional brazilian dance.  oh, btw, i had turned 21 three weeks prior and he was a month away from being 32, but MAN was he fine.  i really could not have cared less. he was talking to all his friends in portuguese and we were dancing real close and you guessed it, we started making out in the middle of this brazilian club. 
then he dropped his friend off, held my hand, and took me to another club. he chatted with the bouncer there.  and got us in for free.  we made out at that bar, and then we went to another bar and got in for free again. we made out there and then i told him i was disappointed that i never got a picture walking down abbey road where the beatles walked in that iconic picture so to abbey road we went where he picked me flowers from someone's porch and bought me chocolates when he had to fill up his car with gas. it was just oh so very magical. what a way to send a girl back to america right??
so those are my study abroad confessions.  paulo.  oh paulo.  what a sweet memory you are. you are divorced now.  and who knows what you are doing.  but i don't care. you gave me the best going away night ever.  i got home at 3 am and i left for the airport at 6. worth it. 
*disclaimer.  my family reads my blog so i wasn't going to post that last bit, but i was talking to my mom today about my guest post and she and i were laughing about the story and paulo and i thought "my mom is cool. she doesn't care that i made out with a hunky brazilian in 6+ bars. let's post it." so here we are. 
and that my dear friends is a run down of my adventures in london!! happy saturday!! muah! (that was a kiss, in case you couldn't tell.)

September 19, 2014

i have some questions for you

hey it's friday!! this week went by pretty quickly!! that's good. okay for oh hey friday i have a few questions for you. because there are some things in life that i just don't get.

please, please, please take no offense to this, i am not judging.  i genuinely want to know.  okay? you want be offended?  i just really want to know.

////but why do people drink?  you can go back to this post where i speculate what kind of a drunk i would be, but i don't understand why people drink.  but at the same time, i do understand why people drink.  it sounds fun. if you are new  here, you know that i have never had a drop of alcohol in my life.  and i am 24.  yes, i'm mormon, and we don't drink.  but that isn't the only reason why i don't drink.  i don't drink because i don't want to. 

 the smell.  as being a waitress for 4+ years, i have smelled plenty of alcohol, and i don't get how you can get past the smell.  it smells like poison to me.  which, technically it is.  but at the same time, when things are hard and i don't want to feel emotions, i think "a drink sounds nice." and wine and margaritas sound nice.  they smell fruity.  ish.  are they?  what is drinking?? and also, how can you pick up someone in a bar and just start kissing them? they smell like alcohol, which smells so bad! i probably don't get it because i have never had a drink.  and i don't want to ever have a drink.  also, i have seen it destroy so many lives and have seen up close how it can hurt people and i don't want to go down that road.  so if i go to a club or a bar, sprite for me! because sprite is my favorite. 

///something i forgot to include in my post about siri is that why can't she auto correct when i am typing in all caps?? it makes no sense to me.  why. WHY. it is so frustrating.  i yell a lot (I'M WORKING ON IT) and when i type in all caps, there is no auto correct! what is a girl to do!! 

///how are people friends with their exes?? this is something t hat i will never be able to understand.  i have never talked to or seen the majority of my exes.  my first ex wouldn't let it go so he kept bugging me, like one of those bugs that won't fly away no matter how much you swat away at a picnic.  how can you go from being romantically involved and doing romantic things to just being friends and going out on double dates with your ex dating someone else and being okay with it?? i don't get it!! i just don't!!! 

/////i live in the murder ca-pita of my city.  my dad is always pushing taran and i to move.  but i like it.  we live next door to an ambulance center so there are sirens always going off and there is barf everywhere on the steps and i have always wanted to live in NYC and i feel like this is close!! and there are always adorable diverse kids playing in front of my apartment which i love.  i like where we live.  would you move?  i have never felt unsafe or scared.  but my dad is always worried about it.

/////why are we half way through september and it is still sooooooo hot?? it is still 90.  and this craziness needs to stop and fall needs to begin.  because fall brings happiness.  and fall is the best time of year.  and fall is wonderful.  and you better believe that there will be a post on the first day of official fall about my favorite things about the season.

also, it is my sister's birthday today! i have no idea how old you are! but i hope you enjoyed the breakfast i made you!! 

September 18, 2014

so this is how disability leave is going

can we just have a nice complaining sesh? do you mind??? you don't have to read if you don't want to.  you can make your own choices in life. but i want to talk about disability leave.  it ain't a walk in the park, you know.

yes, i really, really hate physical therapy. fine, i'll tell you, one of the reasons why i am on disability leave is because of orthopedic issues.  i am in pain 80% of the day.  the 20% of the day when i am not in pain is when my really, really strong pain meds are working.  and they have just the funnest (not a word) side effects.  but when i go to physical therapy, i always leave hurting more than when i walked in.  i try to explain, but it is really hard to explain and fix.  so i have decided to take a break from exercising and doing my pt exercises and going to pt until october.  and we will see how that goes.

you know that i got a new mattress.  i really think that will help my pain.  it is a really, really good bed.  it is a dream.

i am so sick of being tired all the time.  i sleep roughly 15 hours  a day.  to some of you, that sounds awesome.  and it kind of does sound awesome.  but it kind of isn't.  my pain meds make me soooooo sleepy and no matter how much dr pepper i drink, i can't keep my eyes open and i fall asleep.  usually at like 5 or 6 pm.  and then when i wake up, i am still so tired i want to go to bed.  so then i go to bed at 930 and wake up a 5 because i am in pain and fall asleep again until 11.  and there are things i want to do with my day, but with all the sleeping i am doing, it is hard to get everything done.

i am really paranoid about people thinking i am just chillin and watching tv while on my disability leave.  and that it is easy and whatever. it's not.  do you have any idea what it is like to be in this much pain so much every single day??? it is hard work.  i am not allowed to sit.  i am not allowed to lie on my back.  i cry every day.  

i am nauseated 30% of my day.  all the pills, its a lot of pills. so then i don't want to eat.  and then i feel nauseated.  i have to force myself to eat 2 meals a day.  and when i wake up at 5 am like i mentioned, i am ALWAYS nauseated, and when i go to bed, i am always nauseated.

i read a lot.  i read A TON.  because when people ask me what i am doing with my time, i don't want to say that i am spending it watching tv.  i want to say an answer that makes them think i am working  hard so i can say "i read a lot and i have dr appointments every day.  literally every day."

i am really nervous about going back to work.  i have 3 weeks left until i go back and i am really nervous.  what if i won't be ready in 3 weeks? it is a hard adjustment from sleeping 15 hours a day to working a normal work day.  and sitting. oh the sitting.  how the sitting hurts.  

wow.  just writing this whole thing out is making me really sad.  but you know what?? my husband tells me this all the time and i have started to repeat it a lot.   I AM A WARRIOR QUEEN.  i can get through this.  this is by far one of the hardest times of my life, but i can do it.  it is so strange how we have more strength in ourselves than we realize.  i can't tell you how many times i have had to dig down into a place i didn't know existed to get through a day.  

but don't get me wrong.  i'm a mess.  and i don't know how well i am handling this.  i don't think i am handling this very well.  but i just take it one day at a time because that is all i can do.  

i just want to be a normal person with a normal life.  who isn't so freaking sick.  being this sick is really, really hard. and it ain't no joke.  it is stupid and there are a lot of emotions that i feel every day.  a lot of emotions.  and they go up and down and all over the place and it is all a lot to handle.

i just want to be a normal, healthy person.

prayers appreciated.  thanks for your love and support.  i love this blogging community.

September 17, 2014

things i wish siri could do

siri can be so helpful sometimes.  she can navigate for me, send text messages for me and look up restaurants for me.  but there are a lot of things that i really wish she could do that she just can't. 

navigate for me.  often times, she sends me in the wrong direction.  more often than i would like.  but! yesterday, i got so lost going to the library.  i was going to the library from a different city and i took a different freeway and i got soooo turned around.  and luckily, for ONCE siri came through for me and i said "take me ----- library" and she did! it was a miracle.

cook dinner for me.  sure, she can find the nearest restaurant for me, and i talked a little about how this might be an option in the future, but it isn't something she can do now.  and it's like "whaat's up apple? #slacking

call the appropriate person.  she still can't call my husband.  my aunt's name and my husband's name sounds almost exactly the same (karen, taran) so she always thinks i am asking her to call my aunt. no!! call my HUSBAND, read the text from my HUSBAND. i want to talk to my HUSBAND. i have thought about just putting in "husband" or "my love " as his name in my phone, but we know how i feel about that.  

complete the tasks on my reminders for me.  i don't know about you, but  i use the reminders app as a way to keep track of everything i have to do each day.  it is kind of my life saver.  and it would be real nice if she just did it all for me.  that would be really helpful siri.  why can't you do that? 

actually get the voice to text right.  every. single. time. that i do voice to text she gets it wrong. and when i send it to the person, they always text back "um.... that made no sense." and then i try to have siri say "oh sorry! siri is doing this and she is dumb" but she can't even do that. it is very annoying. #thestruggleisreal. #toomanyhashtagsinablogpost

this isn't siri related, but what is this "your iPhone hasn't been backed up in x amount of weeks?" i have no idea what this is.  and i bet siri couldn't tell me.

what annoys you about siri?

and in case you missed it, siri takes over us all and rules the world. WATCH IT. 

September 15, 2014

state fair!!!

how was your weekend my dears?? ours was rockin'.  first i need to give a HUGE shoutout to my parents who are rockstars for getting us a new mattress.  you know my parents live in my hometown which 300 miles away, but given how much time they spend up here staying at my sister's house to spend time with us, they bought themselves a good mattress.  so we just got the exact same one from the exact same place that they went to and wala!! that doesn't look right.  is that how you spell WA-LA!!! i thought it would look more exciting!  i should get delivered today!! 

and then it was state fair time!! 

i had been looking forward to the fair for weeks and was so excited to go!! i love the fair! it is crazy expensive.  the food is expensive, the rides are expensive, you have to pay to get in, yada yada yada. but i think it is completely worth it. 

i told taran the first matter of business was ice cream.  and it was good ice cream.  real good.  okay, i want more ice cream now.  all of it.

then we went over to ride the ferris wheel!! the line was surprisingly short!! and this picture is weird, but i added it to help you imagine us sitting in the cart on the wheel. 

and okay, guys, i hadn't been on a ferris wheel in a really long time. and therefore, i had forgotten how much fun it was.  the speed! the height! how you went backwards as you went up really high!! the excitement!! it was amazing!!! you can see how much freaking out was going on.  i had totally forgot how much fun it was!! taran was trying to talk to me during the ride, and i was like "shhhh!! do you not understand what is happening right now!! this is amazing!!" 

maybe it is my fear of heights that made it particularly fun, but it was just so dang fun i wanted to go again.  but like i said, everything at the fair is so expensive.  

and now i give you, views from the top of the wheel!!

and then a picture of the fair once we were safely on the ground!!

obligatory state fair selfie

hey! we're at the fair!! my hips look enormous!!

so every year, some genius carves a huge statue out of butter.  and this was this year's creation.  genius!!

this was the indoor exhibit with arts and crafts and stuff.  aka the place to get out of the heat.

 dragon like WOAH

and then as we were leaving, THIS.

how was your weekend??

September 12, 2014

why merida is my favorite disney princess

last weekend, the hubs and i watched my favorite disney movie, brave.  okay, maybe it isn't my favorite disney movie, because tangled and frozen are really, really amazing, but brave has a really speacial place in my heart.  i feel like i am merida.  i identify with her on so many levels.

let's think back to all the other disney princesses.  let's thing about all their stories.  think about it, all the other disney princesses end up with a prince at the end.  except elsa, but we will talk about her later.  

this is a huge reason why merdia is my favorite princess: that she has no love story.  that she makes her own fate.  that when her mom forces her into marrying a stranger, she fights for her own hand in marriage and then runs away on a horse. how bad a** is that?? i just LOVE IT!!!!! 

we don't need men to have our own happy endings.  and merida shows us that.  that is why she is my favorite.  she doesn't need a prince.  she makes her own fate, okay now i am just repeating myself, but i just love this movie so much and merida is soooo awesome.  if i were her, i would do the same thing.  i would totally be the one who would be an expert archerer (archerist?) and i would make my own fate.  

yes, it sucks that she turned her own mother into a bear.  that sucks.  and is unfortunate.  but i am with you mer, i am with you on wanting to change your mom.  we have all been there.  but you fixed it and it brought you and your mom closer together and it all worked out!!! (*cough cough, it's a movie so of course it did *cough cough)

now you might be thinking "elsa from frozen doesn't end up with a prince, why don't you like her? well, come on guys, elsa's crazy and has some serious issues.  girl froze her whole town and brought on an eternal winter and doesnt' know how to handle her emotions.  girl is emotionally constipated.  it's kind of sad, actually.  girl has serious issues.  i don't want to be her.  i don't even like her.  raise of hands, who even likes elsa??

i love that disney finally made a move with no prince.  that is amazing and shows little girls all over the world that they DON'T need a man to be happy and they CAN change their own "fate" or "destiny".  we are in charge of our lives.  we  can be happy without a prince.  merida had no man at all in this movie and that isn't what the movie was about and i just LOVE THAT.  

don't you love this picture of jessica chastain as merida?? i love this series that disney did with recreating all the princesses in real life and i guess they are making a coffee table book or something? all i know is the jennifer hudson was princess tiana (another favorite disney of mine! i love that it exposed me to another culture) and penelope cruz was belle and jeff bridges was the beast,  weird choice, but whatever.  but i love this above picture.

so, who is your favorite disney princess???