Lot 48: if i were a drunk

June 11, 2014

if i were a drunk

 confession: i have never had a drop of alcohol in my life. not one drop. 

i'm mormon. we don't drink. there are a ton of alcoholics in my family, the smell of alcohol kind of repels me and is like, the grossest  smell of life, don't want to end up like my aunt, yadyadayadayada.


i like to guess what i would be like if i was drunk. like, how would i behave? 

sometimes when i get suuuuper hyper i think "is this how i would behave if i was drunk? are we close?" 

well, we will never find out because i will never have a drink. i really just have no interest. honestly. not just because i'm mormon, but i really just have no interest. the smell. 

so let's take guesses! how would i act if i was drunk?

a few drinks in...... i think i would probably already get buzzed. i would start to laugh really loudly. at all the things. 

a few more drinks in.... {i would give numbers here of how many drinks, but i just have zero idea how many drinks people have when they are partying? 10? i have no idea. what's a white russian? a bloody mary? who wants to drink tomato juice? i have no idea} i would start dancing on tables i am preeeeety sure. for sure, i would be dancing on tables, thinking i was a rockstar and that the crowd was my audience and i had them eating out of the palm of my hand. 

more drinks..... i would start crying on a girlfriend's shoulder. and then i would start laughing hysterically. followed by more crying. hysterical crying. back and forth, back and forth.  and then.... i think i would call it a night. because once i started crying, i would want to go home. nobody likes to cry in public. i would probably vomit on the drive home. 

that's probably how it would go. doesn't sound like a night i would ever want to have. and from what i hear, hangovers are at b***tch. 

ps.. i hope none of you think in ANYWAY that i judge anybody for drinking. i really don't care if you drink. honestly, i don't. i really don't care if you drink. go. drink. live. 


  1. This is hysterical. Being drunk is not anything too exciting. Drunk is never fun, tipsy is when the fun times happen. I just get super giddy and want to dance A LOT. I totally respect you not drinking, and this post is so fun!

    1. Thank you!! I am so glad you found it funny, that's what I was going for!! Thanks so much for stopping by!!

  2. This is so funny! I think I would just laugh the whole time. Uncontrollable, gut-busting laughter. At everything.

  3. This made me laugh. Alcohol does such different things to different people. I've seen a crier or two - I had a sorority sister who just sobbed every single time she drank - which was every weekend. Then there's people like me - I'm laughing, happy, a complete giggle fest and then in a hot second, I'm sound asleep. The older I get, the more it just makes me sleepy.

  4. So funny! And I love that you suggest 30 drinks or so. I think you would accomplish all of this with just three. :)

  5. Haha, 30 drinks!? This cracked me up. I get more mellow actually- a nice glass of wine is just the trick to relax. But don't worry I went to BYU and my in-laws are all Mormon, so I definitely get ya!

  6. Hangovers are not worth it. Good for you!

  7. Haha! If you've never drank before, I think only a few drinks would make you this way anwho. Two make me warm and fuzzy, three make me giggly, and four make me want to dance on a table. Fortunately, my boyfriend threatened to tackle me the one time I had that many to drink. Any more than that, I think I would be full-blown drunk. I never want to get to that point, because I've heard hangovers are no fun. I found you through Endliss Bliss! Excited to get to know you more!


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