Lot 48: i can do hard things

June 4, 2014

i can do hard things

my sister's mother-in-law has a sign that says that in her kitchen.  i think about that phrase a lot.  and lately, it has been constantly on my mind.  

i have written about my health issues and that i have been consistently sick for the past two months.  guys. i am at the end of my rope. it is not a sickness that i can't get over, its that i get a new sickness every week.  every single week, something new is wrong with me. and. i. have. HAD. IT. HAD IT. 

truthfully, i want to scream. (and i have) i am so frustrated. i feel like i have been consistently miserable for two straight months as i have battled virus after virus, infection after infection, weird problem after weird problem. what is wrong with me?!?!? is my immune system shot? (getting a test on that soon). 

here is how the past two months have gone: monday i get a new virus/infection/weird problem.  by the end of the week, i am feeling better. monday comes. repeat.

i need to change my attitude.  i can't control this. i have been popping vitamins like no other. SO MANY VITAMINS THEY ARE COMING OUT OF MY EARS. i need an attitude change.  i need to remember that i can do hard things. i need to ask my sister's mother-in-law where she got that sign so i can have it too. i need to remember that people have it MUCH worse than me. at least i'm not that soldier who just got released from an afghan prison after 5 years.  at least i live in a country where i don't get stoned if i want to marry the man i love and not the arranged marriage dude (was that in pakistan? or sudan? this horrible event is recent and a lot of crazy news has been happening and i am trying to keep it all straight.) 

but this post is the real stuff.  this is real stuff.  this is the part of blogging where i stand up and say "hey! let's not share only the good stuff of our lives. let's be real. let's support each other. let's comfort each other. let's send prayers/good energy/smoke signals of love to each other!" because this is a community.  this thing we call blogging is a community and this community is why i have completely fallen in love with blogging.  

I CAN DO HARD THINGS. the pattern will break. when i was single and i was so freaking frustrated that each relationship "failed" and the pattern was these guys kept leaving me, a friend told me "the pattern will break.  even if you think it never will. i promise. the pattern will break."

this pattern will break. it will break and i won't feel like my physical ailments aren't sucking out pieces of my soul little by little. i feel like i have nothing left. but i can do this. i can do hard things.  if i get a new sickness next week, i can handle it.  if my immune test comes back and the results are that my immune system is shot (why?) i will raise up my chin and smile and fake it and smile until it that smile feels real. 

the pattern will break. i have soooo many dr appointments lined up. the pattern will break. thank the good Lord that i have amazing insurance. 

the. pattern. will. break.

i can do hard things. 

ps. i love my Lord for carrying me when i feel like i have nothing left. that is what our Lord in heaven is there for.  He carries us when we cannot walk.

pps. sorry to give write two serious posts two days in a row. tomorrow is a super fun one, i promise! thanks for your patience and sticking around. 

ppps. if you are the praying kind and i feel so embarrassed even asking because people have it so much worse than me, please send prayers/good thoughts/positive energy/wicken spells/whatever you believe towards me. because we all need help sometimes.

5 comments:

  1. Oh honey... as soon as I saw you mention health issues a few posts back, I was concerned and curious to hear more. I live with many chronic health issues and know the endless appointments, questions, frustrations all too well. I know when we keep dealing with health issues, it totally envelops our thoughts and everything that's going on in our lives, and then we feel guilty and think how there are always people with it much worse. But the legitimacy of other people's crises doesn't remove the legitimacy of yours, so don't get down on yourself. Right now, there's clearly something causing your immune system to be completely out of whack, and you're doing exactly what you can to find out what that is, which is the road to help. I'll be praying for you, and I am so here if you ever want to vent or talk at all about stuff like this. Please feel free to read about my health story on my blog if you want to some time (I spent a week in May covering it). But yes, you can do these hard things, and the Lord will get you through them all. <3

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  2. I love the idea of love smoke signals, ha! I hope you find your answer very soon and hey, if it is a weakened immune system, surely Pinterest has all kinds of ideas for how to pretty up a surgical mask if you need to wear it in public, right?

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  3. I don't want to be one of those annoying people, but have you tried essential oils? I swear, some of those things are like miracles. It's just a thought. I'm sorry you're dealing with this and that you have been for so long. Yes, it's true there will always be someone that has it worse than you, but that does NOT mean that what you're going through doesn't suck too. Because it does.

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  4. Sending lots of love, hugs & prayers your way! Hopefully you can figure out what is wrong soon so you can start feeling better!

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  5. Sending all sorts of healthy thoughts and prayers your way! I went through a similar time about a year back and just knowing what's going on is such a relief.

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Hearing from you makes my day!!