Lot 48: The Final Stretch

July 5, 2012

The Final Stretch


I have less than a month left of school in my undergraduate college career. And I. cannot. wait.  This summer has been pretty rough with working full time and taking a full course load of four classes.  Especially since it is summer and all I want to do is play and I love my roommates and all I want to do when I get home if hang out with them, but instead all I do when I get home is homework.  This summer I have been feeling like I have no time for anything.  In addition, I am so incredibly sick of school.  I really love the University of Utah and I have fully enjoyed my college experience, but I am so ready to be done.  This summer has been dragging and feels like it has been taking forever and all I want is summer to end because that means school will be over and I will be graduated.  
I was in my friend's room the other day and saw her diploma on her nightstand.  I became green with envy. Why don't I have this yet?  Why am I still in school?  I am so frustrated.  It will have taken me four and a half years to get a bachelor's degree.  I feel kind of embarrassed that it took me an extra semester, but I switched majors after my freshman year so I guess it makes sense.  
I have this one class that is absolute hell.  It is by far the hardest class I have ever taken in my college career. I worry about passing this class constantly, every time I do the homework I get so frustrated and impatient because I don't understand the material and the quizzes are twice as hard as the material.  The most frustrating thing is that I am doing everything I can to pass this class, and I am still failing it.  I meet with my professor, I talk with a girl in my class, I read the material repeatedly, I call my siblings for help, I do everything I can and I am still failing this class.  In my freshman year, I took an economics class that was nearly as hard as this one.  The first test, I got a 66%.  So then, I studied 15 hours a week for that class.  15 hours a week and when the next test came, I got the exact same score.  I'm not stupid, but my brain is not built for math or science.  It's just not.  I'm a creative person, I'm not a thinker, I'm not an analyzer, I'm just not.  I just don't think I have the mental capacity to understand the material in this class.  My work took the whole company to see Spiderman the other day, and every time they started talking about science or math, I literally got a panicky feeling in my chest and felt stressed.  That is just my reaction to anything involving math or science.
So I have one month to raise my grade 4% in order to pass.  Send good thoughts my way.  I have a test for it tomorrow and studying for it is the least fun I have ever had and I hate every second that I spend studying. I am so close to getting that piece of paper that says I have a bachelors of arts in mass communications.  So close.  I just want to fast forward to August 3 when I will be done!
And since you are probably wondering what class this is that is causing me so much grief, it is Philosophy 2050 - Reasoning and Rational Decision Making.  There is a surprisingly large amount of math involved. It is death.  I would rather go hiking and eat cheese than take this class.  And I don't like hiking (small hikes are okay, and if I am with super fun people) and I hate cheese, so you can understand how much I despise this class if I would rather do that.

2 comments:

  1. If it makes you feel better, I had a similar experience with Accounting 200. Studied SO hard-- even thought I'd aced the second exam-- no. It's ok. You're still brilliant and wonderful! Don't let it get you down!

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  2. When you want to stop studying remember that if you fail it you have to take it again... that would be even worse than studying for another few weeks. I KNOW you can do it!

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Hearing from you makes my day!!