Lot 48: Youth

June 10, 2012


I don’t feel young, I feel old.  I don’t feel 22, I feel much older.  I’ve done a lot in my 22 years of life.  I have changed my career (performer to tvwriter/graphic designer) graduated (almost) college, dated what I think is a good number of guys, lived in another country, lived in another state, worked in what apparently is one of the "toughest businesses," gone to two different colleges, and other stuff. 
Growing up, I didn’t want to be young.  I wanted to be taken  seriously in my "professional career" as a  performer and as a person and I was really anxious to reach 21.  I felt like people would finally respect me and take me seriously if I was 21.  I don't know why I thought that was the golden age.  But I found this wasn’t the case.  Once I started making a life for myself and once I made a career for myself as a performer, I felt respected and that people were taking me “seriously.”  (Why was it so important to me to be taken seriously?)  I particularly felt this way when I was a teenager.  I didn't want to be in my teens, I wanted to be in my 20s.  I was very much in a hurry to grow up. 
As I graduated high school and when I reached about 19, I felt more comfortable with my peers and that I  could relate to them.  But there are so many stories and movies where a villain is searching for immortality and youth and I always thought "seriously?  Who would want that?  That would be awful.  I want to get older.  I don't want to live forever."  But I can sort of see where these people are coming from.  It's nice to be young I guess.  I have my whole life ahead of me, my body is healthy and works well, and I have hope my dreams will come true.  Is that why so many people in stories want to be young forever?  So they can always have that mindset and a functioning body?  
There was no magic thing that happened once I turned 21.  People did not suddenly change the way they saw me, and they did not suddenly respect me.  They already did.  The things I wanted from people I thought would only happen as I  aged, but that wasn't true.  People respect you by you earning their respect.  They value your opinions by you working hard and learning as much as you can.  Age doesn't mean anything.  All it does it measure how long you have been on this Earth.
I think about people who have "mid life crises."  From what I understand (and my knowledge of this doesn't go beyond what movies have taught me) this happens when someone realizes they are getting older and they haven't accomplished what they wanted to accomplish.  Cool.  So get off your butt and change your life.  You're not dead yet, there is still time.  I often think about if I was cured with a life threatening disease and I had three weeks to live, what would I do?  Or what if I almost died?  How would I act differently after I reexamined my life?  The answer is..... I wouldn't change anything.  I am working towards my goals, I am living the way I want to live and how I know is the right way to live.  And I like that thought.  
But now that I am in my early 20s, I feel okay with being this age and am not in any hurry to grow up anymore.  Being this age is fun!  And I am able to live the life I want!  Life is beautiful.

How do you feel about getting older?

1 comment:

  1. Food for thought. I guess that I would like to be younger. But I don't know why. I feel pretty good about all the stuff I've been able to accomplish and do so far in my life. I guess that being young just means you still have a lot of time ahead of you. That's why people long for youth, I think. It's the possibilities.


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