Lot 48: 2012

December 16, 2012

My Bahamas Cruise!!

This was the best week ever!!!!  I went on a Bahamas cruise with two of my besties, Elizabeth and Stacey.  Elizabeth is my roommate and Stacey and I lived together our junior year of college.  I love them both dearly and couldn't have asked for better friends to take this adventure with.  I love that our ship had flowers.

 This was our room.  Super small!  That couch pulled out into a bed and then the bathroom was in that door that you see on the left closest to you.

We left  from Miami  and the port was right in downtown Miami. We got on the boat super early and were at the port for about five hours before we left.  

 I really didn't know what to expect because I had never been on a cruise before, but our boat was HUGE!  This is a shot from the 11th floor looking all the way down to the bottom.

 I was super confused because there was a Christmas tree and it was warm!  And they played Christmas music the entire time on the ship.  I was suuuuper confused, I was sure it was July.
The coast guard escorted us out.  If you zoom in on the picture, you can see the guy with the enormous gun!  A few minutes after that, the ship slowed down and a coast guard guy jumped off our boat into the coast guard boat.  It was intense.
 The first day was Grand Bahama Island.  I gotta tell ya, I didn't really like that island.  It was really humbling, but too humbling.  It was kind of depressing.  It was really uber ghetto and all the buildings looked deserted and run down and the paint was chipped everywhere and the doors looked like they had been broken into.  We took a bus to the beach.

 We were supposed to go snorkeling that day and take a boat to the middle of the ocean and snorkel there but it was too windy.  It looked better in this picture because by then it was the afternoon.
 There was a guy chopping off the tops of coconuts and you could drink right out of it.  I didn't get one, I don't really like coconut, but I did try Elizabeth's (she is the one on the right)

 The next day was the day I had more fun than I have ever had in my whole life.  Seriously.  We went to the island of Nassau, where the big Atlantis resort was.  I'm sure you have seen the resort in movies, includingCasino Royale, it is the buildings in the background in the picture below.  I really liked that island and they had full on Gucci and Prada stores and everything.  It was super ritzy and that resort is incredibly expensive.  There was a big water park at the resort with about 7 water slides.  Literally the most fun I have ever had.  

That structure you see is the part of the park that has 4 water slides.  That river you see was the lazy river.  It went all the way around the park and dropped you off at that structure (I called it a palace because I thought it looked like one). 

You get in a tube and hop in the lazy river as it drops you off at the palace, you wait in line in your tube and there is a conveyor belt thing that takes you all the way to the top so you don't even up to walk up the stairs.  This is the conveyor belt.  You go backwards.
 Once you get to the top of the "palace" this is the view.

 And this is one of the rides, it shoots you up really fast.

 There was a ride in that palace that was super steep and really fun!  I had no idea what to expect or what I was getting myself into so when I got on the ride, I was a little nervous!  It had two really steep drops and you aren't in a tube.  What was most surprising was I got on the ride, had no idea what was happening, and once I felt myself land in water, I opened my eyes and I wasn't outside like I thought I would be.  I was in a cave.  It was total fun surprise.  You can see in this picture, but on both sides of that waterfall was fish tanks, HUGE fish tanks.  So you land in this cave and its a little dark and there are fish swimming all around you.  It was awesome.

This was the other structure at the park.  This was a slide where you raced your friend.  Stacey won.

So this was the coolest thing of the entire day.  Do you see that slide?  Do you see how steep it is?  Ya, it goes through a shark tank.  I didn't know what to expect and when I sat down on the slide I noticed I couldn't see the slide even a foot in front of me.  I couldn't see it at all.  Then I realized this was a straight drop.  And let me tell you, it was definitely straight.  You are going really fast so you don't really get a good look at the sharks though.  But.....

There was another ride in that structure that you you did see the sharks.  You get in a tube and it really was a chill ride, but when you get to the bottom, you are in this tunnel.  And it is very small and very hot and very humid.  And there are sharks above you and on both sides of you.  So we took this picture in the tunnel.  They were swimming really close and there was a few sharks just chilling on the roof of the tunnel.  It was awesome. 

The last day we went to Norwegian cruise line's private island.  It was super small, that picture is pretty much its size.  It really is that long but it's wide.  

The beach was gorgeous and the water was the perfect temperature and really shallow so you could stand up very far in the water.  You could rent lounge tubes so people were just lying out in the middle of the ocean, and a lot of them brought iPod speakers and just played music and relaxed.  It was heaven.

You really cant be bothered to lay on the actual beach right?  So they had lounge chairs.

There was nothing on the island really except a cafeteria where they fed us lunch and then little kiosks where you could buy shore excursions. 

That's our ship in the background.  It was really shallow so they anchored the boat and then we took bus shuttles to the island.  I was really excited to show my nephew pictures of the fishes I saw and when I woke him up from his nap today and told him I went to the beach and swam with fishies and I was going to show him pictures, he got super excited.  After we had changed his diaper, he asked "where are the fishies?"  And then we sat down and I showed him all the pictures.  I asked him to count how many fishes there were and he did a very good job.  He was also good at pointing me out when I asked where I was in the picture.  He would point and say "that's Aunt Lauren!"  Ahhhhh.  Words cannot even express how wonderful it is to hear a child you love say your name.

It was getting pretty stormy when we left the island to go back to the ship, and it started raining and was really windy.  That last night on the boat, I was woke up in the middle of the night to some serious rocking.  I thought the boat was going to topple over and I kept waiting for them to make an announcement that we needed to make our way to the lifeboats.  I thought I was going to fall out of my bed it was rocking so badly.  I was really scared but then told myself to stop it so I did and fell back sleep.

 The dining was amazing.  This was the Palace Restaurant.  Food was of course, impeccable.
 My sister asked me what the best food I ate on the cruise was.  It was definitely this.  Pot roast.  I always got more than one entree and at least two desserts.  Why not?  I already paid for it.
Our housekeeper always folded our towels into animals.  Our last night, he made a frog.  He did not turn into a prince after my kiss. How rude.

November 22, 2012

Why I'm Not In L.A.

People keep asking me, "I thought you were going back to L.A.?"  I am really tired of answering that question and I know some of you are curious so here is my explanation.

1.  L.A. is the like the love of my life that proposed to me and asked me to settle down, put down roots, work hard and be a grown up.  I'm not in L.A. because I don't want to do that yet.  I don't want to settle down, I am not ready for that.  I plan on living in Los Angeles forever.  Seriously, I plan on dying there.  I am only 22, I am not done exploring the world and living life and having fun.

2.  Working in the entertainment industry is exhausting.  You have to work 16 hour days and network non stop and go to dinner and drinks and such with people.  You spend your weekends reading scripts and getting up early before work to write scripts.  It is so exhausting.  I want to spend some time enjoying free time before I do that.  College is finally over and I finally have free time for the first time in my life.  I want to spend some time enjoying that before I give it up.  And I'm tired.  Oh so very tired of being busy.  I want to just enjoy my homework free, stress free life.  For the first time in my life, I have no homework and I can do whatever I want and it is absolute bliss.  I want to enjoy that for a while.  I am taking a rest.

3.   I want more job experience first.  As I have been looking at requirements production companies require their applicants to have, every single one says "1-2 years experience as an assistant at a production company or agency."  This is tricky because how are you supposed to get that experience if everyone wants you to already have experience?  But the next best thing I can do is have work experience.  Work experience that involves a lot of responsibility, organizational tasks and assistant/reception tasks.  That is what my job is now.  Plus the pay is pretty good, allowing me to pay off my debt faster and save my money.  I feel I will have a better chance at getting a job in L.A.  if I have an impressive resume with awesome experience.

4.   I want to live in New York City first.  I have always wanted to live there and I really want to cross that off my bucket list before I settle down.  I should be able to move there within a year.  I need to pay off my debt first, which won't be done until May.  And then I am going to save for a few months before I go because I want to go with a significant amount of savings because NYC is so expensive.  I won't live there for long, probably just a year. 

So there you go; that is why I am not in L.A.  And I won't visit because I cannot handle leaving that city ever again.  Next time I go there, it will be to stay.  Forever.  I can't ever leave that city again, my heart would break. I really miss L.A.  So much, so incredibly much my heart aches for it.  But it's just not the right time.

And it is Thanksgiving, but I think we should all be thankful everyday of the year and not show our appreciation for one month out of the year.  Which is why I wrote a post back in April about things I'm thankful for

November 4, 2012

Fall TV Reviews!

I have been wanting to write this post for a while but haven't had time to watch all the new shows. But now I have!

Probably my favorite new show is, of course, a comedy.  Go On. Its excellent.  Soooooo funny.  It's about a man whose wife died and he joins a loss support group.  I love the versatile characters and non of them are the typical characters I always see in new comedies. For instance, the characters in another new comedy, Ben and Kate.


The creator of this show is one of my very, very very favorite screenwriters, so I was suuuuper excited.  But I was so incredibly disappointed with the pilot. I didn't feel it was creative or new or inspiring.  It was boring and had the same old characters, as always.  This show is about a brother and sister who live together and the sister's daughter.  We have the goofy brother, responsible and unlucky in love sister, the slutty best friend, and the charming and funny sidekick.  Unique. I'm so disappointed in Dana Fox (the creator).

I'm sorry, it wasn't my cup of tea.  It wasn't funny, I didn't like the characters' personalities, and I just didn't find it funny.  I am sure it is doing very well though, I'm sure there are lots of people who like it.  It just wasn't my thing.

I have also been enjoying The Mindy Project.  Soooo hilarious!  I have always loved Mindy Kaling and have admired her writing on The Office and I am very much enjoying her show.  The only thing that bothers me is its another doctor show.  Oh my word.  How many of those do we need?  Yet another pretty, successful, smart doctor who just can't seem to find love!  How original.  But Mindy makes up for it in her characters, stories and dialogue.


Guys With Kids is also pretty good.  It's just about three guy friends who all live in the same building in Manhattan and the woes of raising kids.  It is a little tired at times, but those times are few and far between so I forgive. And the creator is Jimmy Fallon.  I have always thought he's funny.  Most of the time.  Is this the only new multi camera comedy?  Am I missing others?  But it's pretty good, its my lullaby each week I watch it before I go to sleep, so I guess that says a lot about the level of excitement it is. 

I fully, fully fully love this show.  It's about a new up and coming country star and a country star who has been #1 for a looooooooong time.  Which is surprising because I don't like country music, but wow, this is good tv.  Good drama, good acting, good writing, good singing, good songs, just all around good.  Man I love this show.  I get soooo excited when there's a new episode.  And for you fans of The Office, one of the leading men in the show is Josh from the Stanford branch.  Remember him?  The one Michael was jealous of?

I actually got through about three episodes of this before I got bored.  The premise is this the mob was going to kill this doctor's brother so she traded his life in exchange for a lifetime of no questions asked, under the table medical service.  Its okay.  The pace is pretty slow and I don't really like the main character, so its just a "eh" show and I stopped watching after three episodes.  So I guess the first few were okay.

I  couldn't do it, guys.  I could not get through the pilot.  I think I made it halfway through and I went to the kitchen to get dinner and I just never turned it back on.  I got bored.  Bad writing.  I was just... bleh.  I couldn't get through it.

Woah.  This was intennnnnnse.  Oh my word was it intense.  It was pretty slow to get me interested, it was 13 minutes before I was hooked which is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long for TV.  For movies, you have to be hooked by 5 minutes, for TV, my personal opinion is it's one.
I didn't fully understand what was happening and I don't speak military lingo so I wasn't sure what was going on, but I think they did a good job at recapping at the end. From what I gathered, it's about a submarine troop and they disobeyed orders to send missiles into Pakistan because it didn't come from the proper chain of command and now their own people are trying to kill them.  It was good it was really good but I don't think it's my taste.  Which is ironic if you know me well, but it's just a little too much for me.  I can handle a movie about natural disasters and missiles and soldiers dying because it only lasts an hour and a half, but I don't think I can watch an hour each week about it.  Once it ended, I was like, wow, I need to watch something happy now, that was really depressing. I might keep watching it if I have time, but don't think I'll watch it each week.  It's just too much.

Now we are getting into the wee bit cheezy side of television.  I really liked Arrow and I think I would like it more if I was a fifteen year old girl, but the writing seemed a little cheap to me (as in unimaginative and kind of  the same old tragic comic book story, which it is) but I fall for cheap and Stephen Amell is just so dang fine, I am going to keep watching it just so I can stare at him for an hour.  Yeah, that's probably the reason I'll keep watching it because I feels a bit like a soap.

Oh my word cheeeeezy.  I actually liked Kristin Kreuk (from Smallville) more than I thought I would and the show was compelling and interesting and the writing was fine, but there were times where I cringed a little bit when they loaded on the cheese.

There were a few I just couldn't bring myself to watch, like Revolution (I couldn't even make it through the previews) and Emily Owens, M.D. (another doctor show?  Really?) Animal Practice (Sorry, but I seriously have no interest in that) Made in Jersey (ummmm.... really?) The Neighbors (I run when I hear there are aliens involved) Malibu Country (sorry Reba, no interest) 666 Park Avenue (felt like a soap, got through half of it but not by choice, I was interrupted.)  I do want to watch Elementary but haven't gotten around to it yet and I think I'll give Partners a try.

And an update on the shows I was already watching, I stopped watching Once Upon A Time because it got boring and slow and I couldn't take the cheeze anymore, and I have picked up Parenthood from watching it over the summer and a few others that I picked up over the summer that I won't name as I don't want to be judged......

How are you liking the fall shows?  What are some of your favorites?  I would love to hear!

ps. I promise I get out and play and talk to real people.  But I really love TV.  So so so much. 

October 18, 2012

Doing things you hate

Remember when you were a kid and you were took tennis classes or dance classes or swim classes?  And after a while you realized you didn't like it and wanted to get out?  Well one of the bad things about being an adult is that when you get to that point you can't get out as quickly as you would like.  Sometimes you can't even get out at all.  And its not an extracirricular activity, its your job.  Its your income, the things that feeds you and clothes you and puts a roof over a head and phone to talk to people on and a car to drive.  If only this was just a hobby.  But no, what I don't like is my job.  And I have to do it for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.  You ever feel like this?

October 10, 2012

How Youth Is Represented in the Media

I have noticed something lately.  The majority of characters portrayed in media these days are not my age.  In fact, they are typically in their 30s.  And those 30 year old characters talk about how they feel old and don't understand 'young people" and they make a lot of pop culture references I don't understand.  This is the problem with ageism in Hollywood.  Your career is from 30-50s.  You are too young and too inexperienced to be a producer or writer or anything in your 20s and when you turn 50, you are considered too old to be in touch with what's cool so you are fired (this is actually very accurate.  I studied this a lot while I was in LA.  There is a great factor of ageism in the entertainment industry.)  The problem is, nobody is writing for my age group.  Hollywood makes entertainment that we like and they strive for that, but they don't fully understand us or respect us.  And how could they?  We are a different generation and we grew up in a different era of pop culture.  I don't understand people in their 30s and that's fine, because they don't understand me.  It just frustrates me when I see some medium where 30 year olds discuss how irresponsible and lazy and weird my generation is.  I don't like the way Hollywood represents my generation, I really don't.  I really wish there were writers in their 20s who were writing shows with pop culture references that I understood with a positive representation of my generation.
I often think of The Social Network when I think about how college aged people are represented now a days.  I feel we are viewed as partiers, drinkers, irresponsible, crazy and (yes) fun people.  People who just party all through college and show up to class hungover.  But not all of us are like that.  Most of us are working 40 hours a week and going to school full time.  Juggling life and work and internships and school and trying to make ends meet.  We deal with weird roommates and trying to figure out what career we want.  We study and work hard and deal with homesickness when we least expect it.  This is being in your early 20s.  Not hula hooping at the park while smoking pot and working as a buser at a Thai restaurant part time and flip flopping between being gay and straight.  That's how the media portrays my age group and I don't like it.  A lot of people are like that, but not all of us are.  That group of people my age who work hard and are responsible and juggle everything are being ignored and not represented at all.  Someone please write a movie about this demographic!  Because we are sorely lacking a voice.

September 30, 2012

I'm a web doctor

I like knowledge.  I like knowing things other people don't.  I like trying to explain something to a client and having to say "I'm sorry, I don't know how to explain this.  Uh..."

I'm a web doctor.  I fix things on the web.  When a client's site breaks, I fix it.  I diagnose the problem and then report back to the eagerly awaiting client and try to explain what happened.  There is a lot of terminology and jargon and things I don't exactly know how to explain to people who don't have the same knowledge.  And I love it.  The first few months of my job were rough and my head hurt at the end of each day from all the learning I experienced each day, but it has all paid off.  Literally.  I'm proud of myself for how many things I can fix and build and do on my own, it's incredibly rewarding.  My favorite is when I sit down to code something and I am not entirely sure how to do it but then I figure it out and jump out of my chair and exclaim "that's wassssup!!!!  Totally figured that out by myself!" and then I high five my boss.

I love being able to use my brain and knowledge and my special skill set to earn a living for myself.  It's a very empowering feeling to look at my comfortable life and know that I am providing for myself because of my knowledge.  Because of my brain.  It's really quite awesome.  It makes me feel independent and powerful and supported.  I like knowledge for this very reason; it creates a better life.  I really am a firm believer in education and the incredibly positive effects it can have on a person's life.   

Now that I have been done with college for about a month, I realized the only thing I miss are the discussions.  The things I enjoyed most about college, the academic aspect of it, was the intellectual conversations I was able to participate in.  I loved classes where we sat and talked and shared ideas and opinions and learned from each other.  I really miss that.  The other night I got home and I started talking to my roommate about war and whether or not I thought we should have been in the war on terrorism.  I was being quite annoying, she was trying to watch tv. Then a few days later I asked my roommates what they thought about gay marriage and how they felt about foreign policy.  Clearly I am starved for intellectually stimulating conversation.  Knowledge is cool.

September 4, 2012


I was home in St. George over the weekend, and it got me thinking about how eating meals changes as you get older. 

When you live at home, dinner is a family gathering.  You smell it as your do your homework and then you rush downstairs when you mom calls out that it's ready.  The whole family sits at the dinner table and we all talk about our days and our opinions and ideas and our friends.  We usually sit and talk for a little bit once everyone is done eating.  And then we all stand up and start to clean up (of course, when you're a kid, you run away to your room to try to get out of doing the dishes). 

I am sure all of you are familiar with this scenario.  It's nice isn't it?  Meals are nice.  And not only home cooked meals, but eating out too.  Don't you love being waited on? Having someone serve you? Not having to lift a finger?  It is sooooo nice.  I love eating out. Except when the check comes, haha.

But think about when you move out of the house.  Isn't it strange how drastically your meals change?  Instead of someone else making it for you and having some nice conversation as a side dish, you have to make it yourself, eat it by yourself, and clean it up by yourself.  I always watch TV while I eat.  30 Rock, Parks and Recreation, and Modern Family are who I eat dinner with.  I always watch sitcoms because they are about the length it takes me to eat.  Liz Lemon and Leslie Knope are my meal time buddies, not my family.

And I have realized that I actually really look forward to that time where I get to sit and eat in peace.  I eat breakfast at work and I always work through lunch as well, so dinner time is such a nice time to sit back and enjoy life and the fact another hard day's work is done.  After a day of using my brain and talking to co workers and clients, I just want to shut my brain off, eat and watch Ron Swanson play his saxophone.

If you don't know what that reference is, shame on you.  Watch Parks and Recreation.

August 4, 2012


I come from a touchy feel-y family.  We hug and cuddle and hold hands and kiss each other.  I love to be touched and I love to be hugged and cuddled with.
Living on my own and without a boyfriend, I don't get touched much.  My friends aren't touchy people so they get annoyed whenever I try to hug them.  One of my dear roommates loves to hug, and I am really grateful for her.  But I don't think I get hugged enough!
At work, after a coworker and I have accomplished something really difficult, I always want to hug them.  But it's a work environment and I don't want to be unprofessional or, most importantly, freak them out.  So instead, I've made up a handshake that my intern and I do whenever we have accomplished something.  It isn't as good as a hug.
I love to cuddle with my niece and nephew, but they don't always want to.  My two year old nephew is so busy and hyper that he never wants to cuddle.  The only time I can get him to sit still on my lap is if a video is on.  And my new born niecephews don't always like to cuddle because they want to be facing outward looking around at the world when I hold them.  But my 10 month old nephew is the best.  I don't to see him that much because he lives in Kansas City, but he is at a good cuddling age.  He will sit still on my lap and let me hold him.  It's very nice.
Whenever I sit next to my parents in church, we always hold hands or link arms or something.  I'm 22 years old and I sometimes think, am I too old for this?  Is it weird that I'm holding my dad's hand?  And I always cuddle with my mom when I haven't seen her in a while.  If it is weird, I don't think I care.  If I was a guy it probably would be, but I'm a girl, so I think it's okay.  Right?
And what do you think about kissing family members?  I kiss my niecephews on the lips.  Do you think that's weird?  It's the sweetest thing, my toddler nephew gives me a peck on the lips when I tell him I'm going bye-bye.  It melts my heart.  I'm sure people find that weird.  And I am pretty sure my grandma kisses me on the lips.  If I remember correctly.
People need to be touched!  We need hugs and hand holding and a shoulder to rest our heads on.  It's just the human condition! I love to snuggle and I don't get enough of it.  So if you see me on the street, be sure to give me a hug!

July 22, 2012

Missing L.A.

Los Angeles is the love of my life.  True story.  I dream about that city all the time.  I think about that city all the time.  I fantasize about it all the time.  I have never felt so at home in a city before so quickly.  In fact, I have never felt so at home in a city before.
I miss passing Hollywood Blvd, Universal Studios, and the Hollywood Bowl on my way to work.  I miss the sunshine.  I miss the warm weather.  I really don't like the cold.  I miss working at a production company and being involved in the most exciting industry in the world.  I miss reading scripts all day and giving my opinions on them.  I miss driving around LA trying to find a director's house to deliver a script.  I even miss running silly errands for the executives.
I miss driving to my boss' house to pick him up for work because he would be too hungover to drive.  I miss pretending to go the kitchen to get a snack when famous people came into work for meetings just so I could see them in person.  I miss my apartment and the trees that filled the complex.  Everything was so exciting there.  Never a dull moment.
I miss my friends and my ward.  I miss things happening to me everyday that made for a good story.  I miss being inspired.  It's hard not to be inspired when you live there.  Everyday I got a new idea for a TV show or story line or movie.
But it's not the right time to move back.  Every time I think about it, I get a really bad feeling.  It's just not right, it's not the right time.  But oh how I miss that place.  My friends probably get annoyed because I talk about it so much.  I should probably stop talking about it so much in order to keep my friends.
But I'll move back someday.  When the time is right.  Until then I will just keep writing and trying to improve as a writer.
I do know that I can never visit.  Because if I visit, that means I will have to leave, and I cannot handle leaving that city ever again.  Leaving the first time was hard enough.  I'm not going to do that again.
What's your city that you love the most?

Boredom is a bad word

I hate this word.  I don't like to speak of it.  I don't like to hear of it.  And mostly, I hate to admit that I get (bleeep) sometimes.  Don't we all though?  I think most of us do.
As excited as I am to be done with school in two weeks, I am a little nervous about what I will do with my spare time.  I don't want to struggle with the adjustment from school to work life.  I don't want to dread going home at the end of a work day because I am afraid what I will do with myself.  I really don't want that to happen.  So here is what I think.
You can always beat boredom.  All you do is have to choose to fight it.  There is always something exciting to do.  You can read a new book, or build a fort, or write a story, or draw a picture, or paint your toenails, or write a blog post, or go to the park and read a book for a change of scenery, the list goes on and on.  When I get bored, I clean, groom myself, write something, learn, make something.  There is always more to learn in my field.  I can always find something new to learn about web development or design.
Or you can take up a new hobby!  I think I would like to crochet.  I would like to make cute little things for my niecephews and see them snuggle with a blanket that I made as they grow up.
Boredom can always be beaten.  The good thing about me is that I am a writer, and therefore will never be bored because I can always write!  And I should be writing!  Sometimes it is hard to think of stories to write, but I don't believe in writer's block so I just force myself to think of something.  It always works.  I also have a list of ideas on my phone for stories that come to me randomly.  There are a lot of stories and scripts and TV shows that I want to write, and I am sure the list will never end as I will think of more and more things to write about!
Whenever I get nervous about free time when school ends, I just tell myself, the world is now my oyster. I will be able to do whatever I want.  I won't constantly be thinking about homework or grades or frustration with things I don't understand. I won't have this annoying cloud hanging above my head that says "Bachelor's Degree" on it.  In two weeks, I am going to take a big needle and pop that cloud and all the papers and assignments I have down in the past four and a half years will rain down and then the cloud will float away.  It will be so nice.
Something else I hate and never speak of is loneliness.  I always look at people in TV shows, like on "Friends" or "Seinfeld" and I think "are you people never by yourselves?"  It is hard to only have the company of yourself.  I am sure you all feel that way, even though some of you are lucky enough to have mastered that skill of being okay with being alone.   I just am really grateful for my roommates.  We hang out together a lot and I am really grateful for their company and how fun they are and their ability to make me laugh.  I love my roommates.
We should never expect to have glistening social lives in a way that our phone never stops ringing and our days and nights are filled with a variety of friends, who we go out and do fantastically fun and cheap things where we share many laughs and stories while wearing perfectly in fashion outfits with our hair done so perfectly that we don't even have any flyaways.  It is okay to not have plans.  It is okay to not have your phone ring for a week.  It is okay to wish you did have plans.  It is okay to RedBox three nights in a row.  Just don't feel bad about yourself or sorry for yourself for it.  You always have the ability to change your attitude.  I do think that we should all try to be social and go out and meet people and call people, but we don't need to do that every single day.  And we don't need to feel bad about not doing that every single day. If you want to be out on the town but aren't because all your friends are busy, go out by yourself!  It's okay! It's better than being home when you don't want to be!
The moral of the story is, don't feel sorry for yourself because you don't have plans.  Don't feel bad about yourself because your phone doesn't ring.  Don't feel like a failure if you aren't busy constantly.  You can't always change your situation, but you can always change your attitude.

July 5, 2012

The Final Stretch

I have less than a month left of school in my undergraduate college career. And I. cannot. wait.  This summer has been pretty rough with working full time and taking a full course load of four classes.  Especially since it is summer and all I want to do is play and I love my roommates and all I want to do when I get home if hang out with them, but instead all I do when I get home is homework.  This summer I have been feeling like I have no time for anything.  In addition, I am so incredibly sick of school.  I really love the University of Utah and I have fully enjoyed my college experience, but I am so ready to be done.  This summer has been dragging and feels like it has been taking forever and all I want is summer to end because that means school will be over and I will be graduated.  
I was in my friend's room the other day and saw her diploma on her nightstand.  I became green with envy. Why don't I have this yet?  Why am I still in school?  I am so frustrated.  It will have taken me four and a half years to get a bachelor's degree.  I feel kind of embarrassed that it took me an extra semester, but I switched majors after my freshman year so I guess it makes sense.  
I have this one class that is absolute hell.  It is by far the hardest class I have ever taken in my college career. I worry about passing this class constantly, every time I do the homework I get so frustrated and impatient because I don't understand the material and the quizzes are twice as hard as the material.  The most frustrating thing is that I am doing everything I can to pass this class, and I am still failing it.  I meet with my professor, I talk with a girl in my class, I read the material repeatedly, I call my siblings for help, I do everything I can and I am still failing this class.  In my freshman year, I took an economics class that was nearly as hard as this one.  The first test, I got a 66%.  So then, I studied 15 hours a week for that class.  15 hours a week and when the next test came, I got the exact same score.  I'm not stupid, but my brain is not built for math or science.  It's just not.  I'm a creative person, I'm not a thinker, I'm not an analyzer, I'm just not.  I just don't think I have the mental capacity to understand the material in this class.  My work took the whole company to see Spiderman the other day, and every time they started talking about science or math, I literally got a panicky feeling in my chest and felt stressed.  That is just my reaction to anything involving math or science.
So I have one month to raise my grade 4% in order to pass.  Send good thoughts my way.  I have a test for it tomorrow and studying for it is the least fun I have ever had and I hate every second that I spend studying. I am so close to getting that piece of paper that says I have a bachelors of arts in mass communications.  So close.  I just want to fast forward to August 3 when I will be done!
And since you are probably wondering what class this is that is causing me so much grief, it is Philosophy 2050 - Reasoning and Rational Decision Making.  There is a surprisingly large amount of math involved. It is death.  I would rather go hiking and eat cheese than take this class.  And I don't like hiking (small hikes are okay, and if I am with super fun people) and I hate cheese, so you can understand how much I despise this class if I would rather do that.

June 21, 2012


I've been thinking a lot about bellybuttons lately since my new niece and nephew were born.  I've never really thought about them or noticed them until I was changing Avery and Oliver's diapers and saw that the umbilical chord hadn't completely fallen off yet.  It's strange to think about, how you once were in your mommy's belly and you got your nutrients directly from your mom.  But that hasn't changed, has it?  I don't know about you, but I still get everything I need from my mom.  This is especially true when you are growing up.  She feeds you, she clothes you, she gives you hugs and strokes your hair when you are upset.  In a way, she is still giving you the same "nutrients" you received from her when you were in the womb. (Is this a gross topic?)  We all grow up and move out and start to care for ourselves eventually, but that doesn't mean we stop needing our moms.  I, at least, will always need my mom.
Theoretically, why can't you get comfort and food and clothes from anyone?  Why couldn't anyone fill that role of nurturing you?  Why does it matter if it is your mom or not?  Why can't it just be someone who loves you?  Because of bellybuttons.  Even before each of us were born, we were literally connected to our mothers.  Everyone says there is such a strong connection and an indescribable love that a mother has for her child, and yes this true, but what about children for their mothers?  You weren't the only ones who was biologically connected to us.  We don't just need anyone to love and nurture us, we need our mothers.
I know how hard it is for new moms to wean their babies off nursing.  One of my friends called me crying the last day she breast fed her son, saying that he wasn't going to need her anymore and he wasn't going to love her anymore.  Not true.  No matter how old you are, you always need your mom.  Your child will always be your baby and will always need you, I promise.  Don't you need yours?
With almost every new mom I know, they all had their moms come and stay with them for a few weeks after they had their baby.  Most of them had her with them in the delivery room.  Why?  Because no matter how old you get, you still need your mom.  And it all started with a bellybutton.

I probably should have written this on Mother's Day.  Oh well.

June 17, 2012

My Dad

This is my dad.

He is the coolest dad in all the world.  I love him so much.  He is my best friend, my protector, the Priesthood holder of our house, my teacher, and the man who gave me wavy hair, long legs, and my personality.  I'm a lot like my dad.  

Here he is with my nephew Eli Paul, named after my dad.  It's perfect that Eli is named after him because Eli and my dad have identical personalities.  

One day we realized that we were wearing the exact same sunglasses.  Hahaha.  My dad is so cool.  He has a rock band and plays lead guitar, he just got his pilot's license and has a plane, and he has a boat as well.  I love going to the lake with him, it's so much fun.  I love that he plays the guitar too because if I hear a song that I really like and I want to perform it, he learns it with me and then we record it.  We are a perfect team.  

I am so blessed and grateful that my dad trusts me and allows me to make my own decisions.  He treats me like an adult (I guess I am) and always supports me.  When I moved to Los Angeles, he drove there with me and helped me move in.  He had to be sure where I was living was safe.  We also went to the two offices where I was going to work so he could see them.  He had to check those out too, to make sure I was working in a safe neighborhood.  I talk to my dad about everything.  I call to tell him about work, about dates, about my friends and school, everything.  We are very close.

He has had this shirt for a while, and last time he wore it, I told him that sentence wasn't true.  He raised four daughters and got 3 sons in law and four grandkids.  And my sisters are just getting started having kids.  False statement, dad. 

I have no brothers, so my dad would take me and my sisters to do "boy things."  He taught me how to check my tire pressure, properly throw and catch a baseball, and how to shoot a gun (we do that a lot.  It's my favorite.)  He also taught me how to operate and take care of our boat, and the things I need to regularly check on my car to make sure it's safe.  

Things my dad taught me:
1. The value of hard work.  Things are not handed to you, you have to work for what you get.
2. If you are driving 60 mph, you are going 88 feet per second.
2. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the most important thing in the whole world.
3.  Be kind to everyone.  Give service.  
4.  Don't ever be in an unhealthy relationship with a guy who you are trying to fix.
5.  Life is something good.
6.  Just be yourself because you are great exactly the way you are.

I am not only grateful for my dad, but for all good dads out there! I am grateful for my grandpa (both of them) and especially my brothers in law who are such amazing fathers to my nephews and niece.  I am so blessed to have George Paul Doxey Jr. as my father.  He is the best guy I know!  I love you dad!  

And let us not forget the father we all share, our Heavenly Father.  He is my rock, my savior, my friend, my strength, my comfort.  Happy Fathers Day!

June 14, 2012


Money, money, money.  Isn't that the thing that everybody worries most about?  Probably other than their children, but still, this little piece of green paper is what worries us as people the most.  What if there was no money?  How would the world work?  Would there be any work at all?  How would create the basic needs of our lives?
If the world had no such thing as money, I think everyone would have to fend for themselves.  We would each have to make our own crops and shoot our own cows for food.  We would have to make our own clothes and entertain ourselves.  Isn't that crazy to think about?  There would be no fun.  No Disneyland, no movies, no schools, no anything.  What would criminals do?  If there was no money, why would anyone steal?  I guess there would still be murder and kidnapping and all those other crimes, but anything related to money would be no more.  Weird to think about.
I've been thinking a lot about this this past week, and I have come to a conclusion.  We need money in the world.  We can't function without it.  How would we get anyone to do anything if there wasn't money?  We would all starve and we would all be bored and technology would not progress.
Do you agree?  Or do you think that everyone would just do what they loved for the fun of it?  Would science geeks spend their time inventing things even though they don't get paid for it?  But if you don't need to pay for anything ever, why work?  Why not just lay by a pool all day drinking lemonade and reading books?  Because there would be no books to read, no lemonade to sip, and no pools to lay by if there was no money in this world.
But at the same time, I wish that could be the case.  What an awesome world it would be if everyone just worked because they loved it.  But then again, if there was no money, would there be poverty?  Would there be starvation?  How would we function as a society without money?  I don't think we would know how.
On a semi-unrelated note, what if college was free, like public school is?  Would more people go to college?  Would college become less valuable?  Because everybody says, you go to college and spend thousands of dollars because you get a big pay off later.  Theoretically, if you go to college, you will make more than someone who doesn't go.  Not always true, but that tends to be the reason most people go to college.  Or they really want to do a certain job and they can't do it if they don't have a college degree.  I think college would be less valuable and less "prestigious" if it was free.  Most colleges are hard to get into, and even harder to pay for, and that is all part of the "pay off" you are supposed to get when you're done.  A high paying job is your reward.  And here's another question: would college be mandatory if it was free?  Should college be mandatory?  I would love to hear your thoughts.

p.s. I know there are some places in the world where college is free, or practically free, and possibly mandatory, and I wonder how that affects their societies.  But this isn't a research paper, so I'm not going to spend time looking into that.

June 10, 2012


I don’t feel young, I feel old.  I don’t feel 22, I feel much older.  I’ve done a lot in my 22 years of life.  I have changed my career (performer to tvwriter/graphic designer) graduated (almost) college, dated what I think is a good number of guys, lived in another country, lived in another state, worked in what apparently is one of the "toughest businesses," gone to two different colleges, and other stuff. 
Growing up, I didn’t want to be young.  I wanted to be taken  seriously in my "professional career" as a  performer and as a person and I was really anxious to reach 21.  I felt like people would finally respect me and take me seriously if I was 21.  I don't know why I thought that was the golden age.  But I found this wasn’t the case.  Once I started making a life for myself and once I made a career for myself as a performer, I felt respected and that people were taking me “seriously.”  (Why was it so important to me to be taken seriously?)  I particularly felt this way when I was a teenager.  I didn't want to be in my teens, I wanted to be in my 20s.  I was very much in a hurry to grow up. 
As I graduated high school and when I reached about 19, I felt more comfortable with my peers and that I  could relate to them.  But there are so many stories and movies where a villain is searching for immortality and youth and I always thought "seriously?  Who would want that?  That would be awful.  I want to get older.  I don't want to live forever."  But I can sort of see where these people are coming from.  It's nice to be young I guess.  I have my whole life ahead of me, my body is healthy and works well, and I have hope my dreams will come true.  Is that why so many people in stories want to be young forever?  So they can always have that mindset and a functioning body?  
There was no magic thing that happened once I turned 21.  People did not suddenly change the way they saw me, and they did not suddenly respect me.  They already did.  The things I wanted from people I thought would only happen as I  aged, but that wasn't true.  People respect you by you earning their respect.  They value your opinions by you working hard and learning as much as you can.  Age doesn't mean anything.  All it does it measure how long you have been on this Earth.
I think about people who have "mid life crises."  From what I understand (and my knowledge of this doesn't go beyond what movies have taught me) this happens when someone realizes they are getting older and they haven't accomplished what they wanted to accomplish.  Cool.  So get off your butt and change your life.  You're not dead yet, there is still time.  I often think about if I was cured with a life threatening disease and I had three weeks to live, what would I do?  Or what if I almost died?  How would I act differently after I reexamined my life?  The answer is..... I wouldn't change anything.  I am working towards my goals, I am living the way I want to live and how I know is the right way to live.  And I like that thought.  
But now that I am in my early 20s, I feel okay with being this age and am not in any hurry to grow up anymore.  Being this age is fun!  And I am able to live the life I want!  Life is beautiful.

How do you feel about getting older?

May 30, 2012

Movie Reviews

I never, ever agree with film critics.  Ever.  They loved Avengers, I did not.  They hated Battleship, I loved it.  They thought Dark Shadows was okay, I thought it was completely awful.  They hate all chick flicks but I love them.  I have never, ever once looked at movie reviews before I go to a movie because I never agree.  So here are some of the movies I have seen recently.  Read on if you wish.

This is by far, my favorite Disney fairytale movie of all time!  I LOVE it!!  It is so much fun.  I love that it is set in New Orleans.  I find that place so exciting and full of life and the movie definitely shows that.  That movie has soul!  I love the story and the music and pretty much everything about it.  It is so much fun and that is why it's my favorite Princess movie!  It's the most fun out of all of them.  Also, I don't always agree with the values princess movies teach young girls.  That probably sounds weird, but princesses are little girls' role models and so they need to be worthy of being a role model.  Tiana, the princess, is a very hard worker and has the motto of working hard for everything she gets.  That is one of the biggest and most important things my dad taught me, and I'm glad there is a movie that teaches kids that lesson too.

 I want to see how my toddler nephew will like it.  I think he would love it because it is really colorful and I think he likes frogs and it is a really fun movie.  His favorite is still Finding Nemo, and frequently asks for it by saying "Nemo?"  He likes fishies.

Now into the reviews you probably won't agree with....

I'm sorry, I just can't get into superhero movies.  I was actually quite bored while watching this.  Sorry.  I just was looking at Captain America and Thor and his evil brother, and I just kept thinking, do you know how ridiculous you look?  You have a star on your chest and you are carrying a shield.  And you have, evil dude, have horns.  And you, gorgeous muscle man, are wearing a cape.  I like Iron Man.  He is the only superhero that doesn't look stupid.  And no, I don't like Batman either.  He wears a cape too and talks in a ridiculously funny low, growly voice and he has bat ears.  I can't take anybody seriously when they are dressed like that.  But that doesn't stop me from liking those movies because it's Christopher Nolan and he is a genius.

Loved it.  What can I say?  I'm a girl and this was just a really, fun, girly movie.  I loved it!  I thought it was funny and I liked each of the women's stories and I thought it was well written and it was just cute and fun!  I'm a girl! I loved it!

I didn't really have a desire to see this, but my friend wanted to go and I like action movies, so I went.  Oh my word, it was SO MUCH FUN!  I have literally never had that much fun sitting in a movie theater before!  Funny that I can't handle superheros, but I can handle aliens.  But the aliens weren't that weird looking and they didn't really talk about how they were aliens that much, so I didn't really mind.  And I thought this was a Michael Bay film, but it wasn't, and that's probably why a movie in this end-of-the-world-destruction genre was good.  I hate Michael Bay. (p.s. in one of my film classes in college, my professor hated Michael Bay so much that on one of the quizzes, there was a question of "why does Professor Clawson hate Michael Bay and there was an extra credit question if you knew Michael's middle name.)  The movie just kept me on the edge of my seat and was funny and suspenseful and had a few well developed characters.  It was just fun!  And I really like action movies!

This movie was really stupid.  I like dark comedy and Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, so I thought I would like this, and I was really excited for it to come out, but it was really boring.  Horrible writing.  I can't believe a producer ever let the script get to the screen.  It had no basic screenwriting principles at all.  A sixth grader could have written a better script because at least they know that in a story, stuff actually has to happen.  But nothing happened.  I hated it.   I want my money back.

I guess I have a pretty broad taste in movies, huh?  Don't think less of me as a writer because I did or didn't like these movies.  I'm not a screenwriter, I'm a TV writer.  I don't really care about movies and I don't really critique them, I just try to enjoy.  Maybe I'll do a post on the best TV shows.  I have more well developed and semi-intellectual opinions about TV than I do about movies. TV rules over all.

P.s. Thank you all for the birthday wishes yesterday!  It was a wonderful day! My boss got me an ice cream cake, I went to dinner with my friends, we watched a fun movie at home, and my bestie gave me Warrior!  Plus, I went home the weekend before and my mom was so sweet and made me the most delicious dinner and desserts, even though my nephews were sick and crying and it was a mad house, she still took the time. Plus, on my birthday, my boss dropped a client of mine that I detest.  I don't have to deal with them anymore!  Yay!  One of the best birthday presents ever!