Lot 48

November 13, 2017

none of this is okay

i have been unemployed since september 22.  that is when i left the amazing job at dc comics because my temp contract ended.  it was a very sad time and i wish it didn't end.  i loved my tine at dc comics as i got to be creative and i was challenged and i worked with amazing people.  there were some aspects of the job i didn't like, sure, but the pros greatly outweighed the cons.

i am with 5 temp agencies and within those temp agencies, i have 8 recruiters working, helping me putting me out for jobs.  additionally, i have applied to roughly 150 jobs.  in the past two months, i have had a total of one week of work at a wonderful job that i really enjoyed that was a Christian radio station as a receptionist.  i thought it was going to be a permanent gig until they told me given fcc regulations, they had to try several people out for the position on two week basis and won't be hiring a full time receptionist until january.  my recruiter was really confused and i was really confused.  this happened a few days after my car was totaled.  i was confused because my recruiter was told they really loved me there and i was told that was well, but i guess that was how they do things there?  its been a week since that happened.

before that job, i did a film where the producer gave me a stipend for the work i did for her social media platform to gain followers so she could sell the movie at AFI.  my experience working for free on the actual film, not doing social media, is an entirely different blog post, but i gave a month of my life to that film and turned down paying jobs to do the film because i needed the film production experience.


i'm a worker.  if i didn't have to work, i still would.  that's how i'm wired.  every day i don't work my self worth dwindles away little by little.  even if we can handle my unemployment for however much longer, my soul can't.

additionally, i'm majorly struggling with my script.  in all tv scripts, even in drama not just comedy, there are two storylines, an A and a B storyline.  the A storyline is the main one and B supports the script and gives another storyline.  i am struggling so hard with my B storyline.  i chose a difficult storyline because i wanted to challenge myself and oh my oh my i did.

i have written the B storyline 3 times and have to wipe it and start over from scratch because it just wasn't working.  i am so frustrated with it i want to scream.  i feel like i am never going to get the story right.  i feel like i am stuck in the mud and i'm trying to walk forward but i can't no matter how hard i try to move my feet.  i love my professor and his feedback is gold and i love my peers in class and their feedback as well.  without their feedback my script wouldn't have moved forward at all.  i get an idea but then it gets really hard to implement it.

we have spent the entirety of the quarter learning really solid things about plot and characater and my writing program is truly amazing and now it is time to write the actual script and i am absolutely terrfied.  pages are due in small sections with the full script due in 16 days.  16 days and i my B story isn't fully flushed out yet.  i'm in full freak out mode.  every second of every day.

everyone is posting pictures of their Christmas-ed outed living rooms and homes and it breaks my heart that mine isn't decorated.  we got out our little tree that i've had since i was in my early teens that i've carried around for over a decade and when we moved into this apartment we didn't have a place to put/it forgot about it so it was outside on the patio and completely ruined.  so we threw it away.  and with me not bringing in any income we can't buy decorations right now.  so its just makes my unemployment sting even more.

so.. you know.  i've been better.  none of the above things are okay right now.  the way i process things going on in my life is by writing them out.  i am a writer through and through after all.

thanks for letting me write it out.


November 10, 2017

halloween 2017 recap

it is fall but it just starting to feel like it.  it is glorious!

guys, it has been a rough go of late job wise.  it is brutal out here!  i was working for this great radio station and i thought it was going really really well when all of a sudden they decided that they needed to try other people out before they made a decision and it was a "numbers thing." but that is a whole 'nother story that i am not going to get into now.  happy things, yeah?

like halloween!  on hallow's eve i stopped at walgreens on my way home from school and tried on a bunch of these awesome headbands and had way too much fun. halloween is my favorite holiday!

we tagged along to a fun party with my friend whitney.  she saved my halloween because we had no party to go to!! yay whitney! 

 guys, i don't know what i was, okay?  i said i was "HALLOWEEN" meaning i was just a bunch of stuff thrown together that you collect over the years.  OR i was the witch's angel.  i liked the second one better.  other guesses i got a the party was blair waldorf at a garden party if i didn't have the wings.  it is a beautiful dress.

we are usually on top of our costumes but we were so busy in october i wasn't able to enjoy the month properly.  it was such a shame because october is my very favorite month and we were too busy to get costumes together so we just threw something together at the very very last minute.

and isn't that headband fun?  yes, it was one of the ones that i got the night before at walgreens.  taran got a nerd costume at walgreens too.  walgreens is so close to our apartment we just got everything from there.  i also got the bucket because we had so much candy that we gotten from the past few weeks to eat and we had to get rid of it!

i hope you all had a wonderful Halloween! i can't wait until next year

October 31, 2017

my people

a few weeks ago, we flew to utah to see friends and family.  plus, fall in utah is heart eyes emoji.  here in la, it is only just now getting chilly.  we got to utah and it was in the 50s and 60s while back in la it was in the 90s!  

the first order of business was to meet my 9 day old nephew, james.  he was so sweet and so tiny!  i always forget how tiny newborns are!! we were also so excited to see my nieces who loved showing us their new toys and tricks and things they had been learning in school.  it was also my first time seeing my sister rachelle in her new house as she had moved from arizona back to utah in may.  the neighborhood they moved to was one of those storybook neighborhoods where all the kids play together and the families all know each other and the little kids go over to each other's houses and knock on the door and ask "can you play?" its adorable.  i was so happy to see them.  

then we saw my other sister andrea! she is in the home stretch of building a house and i couldn't wait to see it.  it is a gorgeous house and i can already imagine her four boys growing up in it, making memories.  and how squishy is my nephew moses?  i love this picture of us.  doesn't it look like we are posing for a "best buds" picture frame? he is the squishiest! i love him so so much he is the happiest, fattest smiliest baby around.

we hung out with andrea for a while and i was pleased to learn that her older boys have become obsessed with harry potter.  when i tell them about harry potter world (is that what it is really called? i don't know, its what i call it!) at universal and that i go there a few times a month is the only time i have their undivided attention.  i tell them about the rides and then they always ask to see a video of harry potter's forbidden journey ride and they watch the ride on youtube with complete fascination.  that day, i asked if they wanted to take a quiz to be sorted into the hogwartz houses and they just flipped out.  my nephew oliver got hufflepuff and was really sad about it so i gave him "another test" which i just made up and then said "you're griffindor! the first test was just wrong ollie!" and he just jumped up and down as he does when he's excited. 

can we address the picture above?  amiright?

next we had dinner with my friend amy at a CHINESE RESTAURANT.  we haven't had chinese food since we moved to la! and i'll tell you why.  the chinese restaurant up the street from our apartment is called  "ok chinese food."  i couldn't really find a chinese restaurant that didn't have a better name than that so.... i wasn't going to eat at a place that was, you know, just okay.  so when we had dinner with my friend we went to a place that we ate at whenever we had chinese.  it was glorious! 

the next day was the reason we were really there!  i came to utah to see this girl!  my bestie!  my girl!, patrisha!  we had so much fun that weekend and i finally got to meet her boyfriend! we went to gardner village, which in october, is this HUGE Halloween festival! here are some fun pictures of what we did, if you'd like to see...

we used to go to this bakery when we needed a quick date night.  i loved going back.  

i am the last person to suggest nature but there is this gorgeous place that i loved to go hiking with taran at.  but we had time on sunday before our flight so we took patrisha and her boyfriend jake there and it was so pretty! 

we went back to jake's house and played psych and it was really fun!  and i won once! ye-ah! 

i was so sad once the trip was over! and i hated saying goodbye to patrisha, as i always do. hopefully she will come visit me for new years! the only thing i miss about utah is the great people i left there. it was a great trip!

October 11, 2017

what's next?

there is this part in the season 5 finale of veep when selena has to give to the presidency over to her successor and she is walking with her secret service and all these people and she just looks like she is walking to her death.  the death of her soul.  the walk is the last walk where she is surrounded by people that make her look important.  like she matters. its the end of her presidency and she has no idea what to do next.

she schemed and fought and worked so hard to win the election to secure her presidency but she lost. she was so sure she would win, but she was screwed over and she lost.

when the episode ends,  she ends up on a bleacher in a park not far from her successor's inauguration parade.  she hears the inauguration music and for a moment, pretends its for her.  just for a second, pretends that she did win the election and that she is the president.  


its been two weeks and a half weeks since my temp contract ended at dc comics.  i was so sure that i would have a job lined up when my contract ended, but i didn't.  its been two weeks and i still don't have a job.  

i am helping out with a movie and getting great experience, and i am learning a lot. i am really, really lucky that i am on this movie and have the opportunity to help out.  i have been doing a lot of social media promotion because that is my strength and its been going really well.  i've also been assigned assistant to the assistant director.  i'm doing to learn so much on set while we are shooting, i can't wait!

my UCLA program is boss.  it is beyond great.  its really aggressive which i think is really good.  even though its only two night a week, we are expected a lot of.

this quarter we are writing a spec script, which is a script of a show that is already on the air.  writers usually write it as a sample to show what they can do to get hired on a writing staff or to get representation.

i've chosen to write superstore and i'm really excited about it.  today we have to pitch three story ideas for our episode and then the class picks which story i'm going to write for my episode.  so i have to love all the stories i pitch and i've had to come up with a lot of ideas.  in comedy, each episode usually has three story lines, what we call an a, b and c story line.   the a story line is the main focus of the episode, and then the b and c are the other stories that are happening while the a story is happening.  that means i've had to think of 9 solid stories to write in a week.  9 solid stories that i not only could write, but that i would want to write.  i don't want to get stuck writing a storyline that i am not in love with.

its been fun coming up with all these ideas but also stressful.  this is when friends who watch the show too come to the rescue as i've asked them to help me think of ideas that could happen in the show.  i'll let you know what my episode is about in a while.  a long while.

i am so in love with this program and all my professors and everyone around me is creative and just die hard tv fans like me and i feel like i'm dreaming when i'm in class.  on monday when we had our lecture class, i was an hour and a half early.  for someone who is always late to everything, you can understand what that means.  this program is so important to me and i love everything about it.  i am learning so much i'm just completely in love.

this weekend i'm going to utah to see my person bestie patrisha and will be back sunday.  i am looking forward to seeing fall foliage and feeling fall cold air.  la hasn't gotten the memo that its october and it is supposed to be chilly.

it has taken me a while to find my footing after dc comics ended but i think i have now.  things are good.  xoxo.


September 15, 2017

it's just prom for adults

ITS THE EMMYS ON SUNDAY!! the night i look forward to the most all year long!! i am especially excited this year. why? i'm going to keep you in suspense. but here is a teaser.

before this magical weekend began, i had to tell you something.

i have said many times that i will get an emmy even if it kills me. i've talked so many times about how much i love the emmys. i hold shows that have won emmys in high esteem.

but the truth is, the emmys mean nothing.

it's all a popularity contest. do the shows and people honored on sunday mean that the shows and people not honored didn't work as hard as those who were honored? who are not as talented? not necessarily. worked as hard? heck no. it takes SO MUCH WORK to make a tv show. everyone is equal in that. talent? not everyone is equal in that.


there are always going to be shows that are not recognized that should be. shows and people who are recognized that people, including myself think shouldn't be. (cough, alexis bledel, cough.)

it's a popularity contest. people in the academy vote for the friends. they vote for reasons i don't understand. it's prom. kings and queens (outstanding lead actor and actress in comedy and drama series') are chosen. it's popularity. it's politics. what studio has the most nominations. what studio has the most wins. what show has the most noms. what show has the most wins.

it doesn't matter. none of it does. but it is still so freaking fun. i can't wait to see everyone's dresses and see who wins. and this year is going to be the most entertaining because game of thrones didn't qualify and this is us is the first network show to be nominated in over a decade. so the drama category is going to be really really interesting to watch.

i can't wait!!

but years later when i actually get to go, and when i am nominated years later, i have to remember.

it doesn't matter.