you know when you read actress interviews and they say "this business is hard" "you have to have a thick skin" blah blah blah and you read this over and over and over in every freaking interview celebrities do?
well its true. this business is really hard. i think i have learned more about being patient and keeping my eyes on my own paper and not comparing myself to others in the last 3 months than i have in a lifetime. this business is really, really hard. just breaking into it is hard, and it will not get any easier i imagine once i am not on the "outside" anymore, whatever that means.
i work really, really hard. when i came here 3 years ago, i met with my dearest friend that i have here and his life was insane. he worked about 12 hours as an assistant for this songwriter and then he would go to this writer-producer's house and write until about 3 am and then go to work at 6. i wasn't ready to do that. and i knew that i could move here until i was ready to put forth that kind of effort. i am. i so am. i go to work and i try really hard and i work hard.
then i get home and i try to spend a few hours writing or reading books on writing or doing my aarson sorking masterclass on screenwriting which is fascinating and i am learning so much AND IT FEELS SO GOOD. i am drinking it in. i want to learn as much as i can. i am so hungry to learn. starving to learn all i can about screenwriting. but i don't like using that word for what i want to do. because when i think of that i think of writing movies. and i don't really want to write movies. and could and i probably will at some point, but no, my blood spills for tv writing. which is why i am so excited that the next masterclass is from the great shonda rhimes on the art of tv writing!!
have you ever seen mozart in the jungle? you know how rodrigo says that hayley (hai-lei!) plays "with the blood." i want to write with the blood. writing is my blood. many things are my blood. God, family, taran, but tv, writing, its my blood. someone who didn't understand how much this world means to me once said to me "i think you need to take a step back and look how obsessed you are with tv. its unhealthy. you're obsessed." i wanted to say to this person "that's kind of the point. its going to be my career. i hope i'm obsessed with it."
i spend roughly 70% of my time thinking about whats funny, how to build a character from scratch, show ideas, mostly just thinking about writing. i think about it. all. the time. the problem is though, i am also tired, all the time. because just my job i work hard. which is strange, because i am just sitting in front of a computer contributing to making comic books happen. im not running around. but oddly, staring at a computer for 8+ hours a day can be draining.
i surround myself with people who are in this business because its who you know and i need contacts, want contacts and need and want friends. but that also leads to envy and comparing myself to them. one friend volunteers at this award show every year. duh! why don't i do that? that would be great networking! okay, woah. okay. you can do that. don't hate yourself because you haven't thought of it yet, oh ye little one who has been here for 3 months.
then there is the identity crisis. what writer am i? do i write for drama tv? or comedy? i always thought i was a comedy writer. i have been saying that since i knew i wanted to be a writer. but i'm dark, dudes. and, AND! i just don't think i'm funny enough to write 3 jokes a page and be so fast and witty and smart all the time. when i write my scripts and its time for a joke, when i feel the script is calling "INSERT JOKE HERE" i literally type INSERT JOKE HERE and leave it in red and come back later. and when i do come back later, i spend a lot of time staring at the wall. or the ceiling. but thats probably normal. as my good friend ben schwartz says and NAILS it. (btw ben schwartz is jean ralphio on parks and rec)
word ben. WORD. EXACTLY.
i have an idea for a show that i've had in my head for roughly 9 years. and i think i finally know what to do with it. i've tried to write it multiple times but it hasn't come out in the way i wanted. i've approached it from a few angles. but this. this new approach i have come up with, this new way to do it. if rodrigo was a writer and read it when i'm done he would say "she writes with the blood."
and so here in this blog post where it will be in digital print and digital life and then digital heaven forever, here i promise i will always, always, write with blood. blood is what makes us crazy people go through this tough business and keep fighting and getting knocked down. because we have the blood.
so i will write with the blood.